je suis désolé

Indulgences: Eating until I can almost not breathe, reminiscing on old missed memories, actually enjoying some choir rehersals
Listening to: Carla Bruni, The Weepies, French music
Love: good singing, connecting, real conversations, genuine joyfulness/dedication, listening to other people talk about things, astonishing photography
Desire: perfect pitch, good resonance sort of sound/uniquely good singing voice, to excel and freaking get started on my new hobbies, more concentration on God, a moment like <= that

are you in the mood to be subdued?

My mood at the moment was very,.. uncertain. romantic, nostalgic, reminiscent, lazy,
Last last weekend, had a Vista Grande photo. It made me think of all the old times whether good or bad. Remembering the people i used to hang out with and now i barely know anything about them. Goes the same with Ridgecrest. Old crushes, old friends, old traditions, old anything. Things left behind. I tend to look on the past a lot, which is bad. And I can never really focus on what I have right now. Each time i see someone I always think of the before, but that goes for some people more than others.

fail: didn't go to fashion month things, nor did i go to any halloween haunt for the first time since liek.. 7th or sixth grade, didn't go to hellokitty happening thing, didn't go to truffle tasting

yup.
This weekend was halloween. Didn't really do much cept get together with some of the girls, make cool foil stuff , get free chipotle and go to yogurtland. yum yum. got meee a seven dollar pie. oh yeahhhh.

at times i get really irritated with people in general, such as stupid people who like to flaunt themselves in untasteless ways. I mean, like if you're going to show off your assests, do it in a way that's actually attractive.
But then sometimes i love people in general. seeing how different people are. Some are so incredibly compassionate and caring towards their friends, some are extremely talented and are able to do all sorts of different things. I really do think that every single person is interesting and good in some way or another.

You either are a christian or you're not. You either believe or you don't. You either have faith, or you don't. I'm having troubles with this point that was brought up during church. I mean, it makes total sense. But I can't seem to know where to place myself. At the moment I'm feeling liek i'm lingering in the grey area between having faith and don't, since my faith isn't strong. but if it's only partial, does that mean that i don't have faith at all? maybe. i'm not really sure.
So, I guess i just got to work on that. making it full. I need to start studying the bible more, because i'm so terribly weak in the bible knowledge apartment that it's depressing. Yeah, I definitely regret that huge lapse in time where i missed church and religious education to go to chinese school instead. and i STILL don't know chinese. it was a lose lose sort of thing.
Also, it's really difficult at my church since it's largely principle ish. Like... it's easy to feel influenced and christiany through emotional sort of ways. but it's amazing that my church makes me realize that i can't be a christian just based on those temporary powerful emotions. It's also the continuous discipline, principle and spirit that needs to be applied in order to maintain a strong religious faith.

So, it's not really hitting me yet that i am SO INCREDIBLY INSANELY behind on college applications. You don't understand, i havn't even started my essays, cause i can't seem to think of a topic. I am THE WORST essay writer you will meet that is this age. I'm not joking. Definitely regreting skipping out on all those books needed to be read, actually trying to write good essays, etc. I sound like a first grader in comparison to all of my other classmates. It's pathetic. And the worst part is, is that I can't catch up anymore. I'm simply illiterate. I'm flustered. I'm unknowledgible. I'm uninteresting. I'm cliche.

it's official. I am going to europe. sent in my money. actually, i'm not sure if i made it in, but i'm like 90% sure i'm in. european dream 2010 here i come. Excited, afraid, eager, curious, all wrapped up and bouncing around in me. Super excited for london, paris, rome. Aaah.(: I'm wondering how in the world i'm going to pack. I remember my sister told me that one of the hotels she went to during her euro trip they had to carry their luggage up a buncha stairs. but she luckily had my cousin with her to help. I however,... oh my, i don't think i'd be able to do that. oomph.

Someday I'll fly away.

In the mood for singing and watching semiromantic movies/shows, but mainly the former. Possibly Moulin Rouge?. I also want to watch Paris, Je taime. never seen that one, but it sounds like it'd be good.

All of my posts, are written over a long time span of mulitple days, plus they're not connecting, unorganized thoughts just rambling on. Fabulous, ey?
That's it for this moment...

Je Taime, Heather