Indulgences: eating a lot, driving a million miles to hang out, being super lazy, thinking a lot/reflecting, thinking about old memories with friends, spending way too much money carelessly, creating a bucket list
Thinking about: patience, foundation/history, the "grey area"/being both, following simple rules. (mainly to remind myself to discuss these things later), faith,
Love: lookbook [i'm such an addict], going back to my feasting ways, catching up with friends, this wedding[it was on etsy. super cute and indie. watch the video!!]
Desire: I've already found the dress, this dress[a good second choice], cultivate my faith, sincerity, wisdom, bible knowledge, strength and will, start working on my goals
Okay. First of the things to reflect on:
Leaving and the end of High School.
the end of highschool was a complete blur. everything was so fast that I didn't feel a thing.
I was extremely surprised that no one cried at all, ever. but then again, I didn't either. The continuous rush of the next event(from graduation to grad night) and the delirious exhaustion from staying up all night, getting adrenaline highs from riding 1000 roller coasters in a row. There wasn't any time in between to pause. reflect. and realize: we're all leaving and this is the last time we'll all be together like this, as one big peninsula high school family.
Not going to lie though, there was one moment where I almost began to cry. Something about Kelcie's speech at graduation just made me emotional. I think it was mainly because if you knew kelcie, you know that she speaks from her heart. It just felt extremely personal and made me reminisce on our childhood.
I realized just lately how I'm going to miss highschool. I'm for sure going to miss that feel of when you have classes with people and you feel a connection of being a group in the class. (if that makes any sense at all.) I'm going to regret(and already do) not performing at a coffee house(I promised myself in freshman year that i'd perform in senior year, but didn't find the time to). Most of all, though, I'm going to miss choir.
I think that last year was my most enjoyable year in choir. I began to love and appreciate the art of really working on improving my vocal skills. I feel like unless I hire a vocal trainer, I'm never going to improve or work on my voice again. I enjoyed how Doctor challenged us without even noticing that it was difficult. He made learning fun and relaxing because of his quirky and adorable personality. I'm going to miss the choir family, that bond we formed from hanging in the back rooms, strolling in late, laughing at doctor's craziness, and just everything else. It truly was amazing and one of the highlights of my senior year.[[plus. i can't believe they're going to spain next year. lucky butts.]]
Leaving. to be quite frank, i don't even feel like i'm actually leaving. Especially if i have a car, I can pretty much come home whenever I want. So, I havn't really felt any effect yet. The only problem is that when I come back, almost everyone will be gone. I've felt conflicted about friends. Just lately, i've been missing some people LOTS. like, LOTS LOTS. memories bombard my mind. ferreals. A lot of the times though, i feel like if you forget a friend, there'll be someone out there who can replace him/her. ya know? but. i think i'm starting to change ish this perspective. Someone told me "a true friend is someone who, even after you lost touch for a long time, when you catch up, it feels as if you picked up from where you left off". And i've began to realize who I have this sort of connection with. It really is beautiful, how relationships form and develop and become everlasting, ey?
On another note: it's weird how people can just be out of your lives in a snap.
just like that. and they're gone.
i always hate when these sort of things happen. they leave me without closure. this wide gaping hole. It's like when you don't close the lid on something all the way. It's unsettling and awkward and all you want to do is have it completely shut, sealed, closed.
That's it for now. I'll probably have more ramblings about leaving (probably closer to when I actually AM leaving.)
More reflections to come(when I get over my laziness)
Ciao,
Heather
[[thought the name change was necessary. It better describes what the use of this blog is for. Oh how my memory is so terrible that i need to record EVERYTHING and anything or i'll instantly forget]]
[[I'll definitely miss being 10 minutes away from the beach,though]]
