Hating and being jealous takes a large amount of energy. Especially since I don't often dislike someone to this extent to let it affect me. I've become distracted, to the point where I can't even concentrate on reading a lecture slide or do anything at all, in that case. What I usually do is try to sleep it off, but of course, at the moment, I can't. Instead, I just think about how I'm feeling and how worked up I feel, which causes me to be even MORE worked up.
I think I've learned today that maybe I've never actually applied the concept of loving your enemy from the bible into my daily life. Because it's INCREDIBLY difficult.
I needed comfort. I just needed it to get out of my mind. Honestly, I just want the person to disappear forever. But, I can't.
Instead, for some reason, I reached for my neglected ol' bible sitting in the back of my desk shelf, that's been untouched since.. I can't remember.
"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction,faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[c] Do not be conceited.
17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[d] says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”[e]
21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."
(Romans 12:9-21)
And in these Words, I found my-- almost-- serenity. In You, I shall find peace. New Year's Resolution.
I have not forgotten You yet.
And by posting this, I hope that one day I may come back to read this and think: oh how foolish I was to wait so long to come back to You.
I hope that from here, the only way is up.
May all the glory be unto His holy name.
Amen.
