tjc.org

Indulgences: Going to the flea market(FINALLY), jack in the box churros, cooking nights!, wearing guy jeans, almond yummy yogurt

Listening to: Valentine, the notebook soundtrack(old favorites, especially in love with the main title and i'll be seeing you by billie holiday), new cd en mi coche, bird song by ingrid

Love: music, appropriate silence, delicious food, food outings, trying new different kinds of food, driving and trying to hit those little flappy markers that are on the road during construction(too bad they're gone now. boo)

Desire: to make that <--- cake. , learn valentine on guitar(workin on it. can't get that f sharp with the stupid bar. boo.), watch/read "the classics", the notebook soundtrack in cd version(whether bought or burned), more will to bible read, be a tad less awkward, get together with people music sesh and post stuff on youtube(:

Wow, super fail on my goals of the month... i was late to class everyday as usual. only exercised once, and my posture hasn't improved much(maybe a teensy WEENSY bit. but no. not really.) AND i didn't cook for my family. ugh. k, maybe i should only have 1-2 goals per month so that i can concentrate on them more..? or just plain try harder. yeah.

"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'" (Matthew 7:21-23)

So, i'm pretty concerned about this. I feel as if, maybe i'm one of these people. I just cruise along, and then one day at the end I'll call out Lord! Lord! and I'll be rejected because I wasn't faithful enough/didn't do enough/etc. and that possibility is completely frightening.

I mean, where's the line drawn between people who believe Him, and people who sort of follow Him, and those people who are VERY devout? I don't know, no one does, except God. So I just need to try my best. (is it sad that i had to yahoo.com to find where exactly that verse was? yes, very sad indeed.)

So,... I know that I care for people. but i'm worried that i don't care enough for people. I don't feel this constant urgency to save people, to try to bring them to God. is that bad? i think it is. if i'm not caring whether or not people know Jesus Christ, does that mean i don't care for their eternal salvation which means i don't care for them..?

I don't know... just something that i've been tossing around in my mind.

So, I realized that I bought THE most different items of clothing ever, over lastlast weekend.

one. is a white lace dress that seems like old fashion, classic, almost churchy(picture of it down there).

the other, a black leather strapless dress.

i'm still trying to figure out how to wear these articles of clothing that i bought.

Pen cafe was thursday! it was quite fun :D i think we actually did pretty well. it was fun. i think i should stop complaining and just enjoy it more and stuff and stop overly thinking whether my voice is up to par and etc. and just have more fun with it.

so. the reason why my title is hello to nobody.. is because i thought no one, but myself would be reading these. or maybe like one/two other people who just happened to come across it or something. but lately, more people have been telling me hey! i read your blog. or something of the such (and when i say more, it's not liek A LOTT of people, just more than i expected). and to be honest, it makes me feel quite awkward? knowing that what i'm writing is going to be seen, read, judged, iono. it's strange. but i guess, what could i have expected... it IS online, it IS a blog, and i DID put it in my facebook(why did i do that, again..? who knows. maybe i should remove it.),... or do i like that people are reading this.? i have no clue. *shrug. sigh... oh the uncertainties of my mind.

influence of aunt/cousins

I need to be very cautious about the influence of others around me. Especially my aunt and cousins/family. They're family, and I know I'm supposed to love them, but sometimes the way they are, just.. make it quite difficult. My aunt's the kind of person who... so, last weekend my cousins, sister, aunt, and i were standing infront of the escalator/a little to the side of it. and two african american ladies accidently bumped into her, i believe, and went onto the escalator

as they went up, my aunt gave them dirty looks and said "fat ass" just loud enough so they can hear. And it's just like. woah, chill out. ya know? and it's like "oh well maybe your aunt was having a bad day or something..?" no, she's always like this. and imagine this is coming from a shorter than 5 foot asian woman. ...yeeah. She's super short tempered, and i'm pretty sure she thinks the world NEEDS to fit to her/her family's liking. and i don't know. it's just very frustrating. another example is at restaurants. OH, the WORST. my aunt is the kind who.. if even the SLIGHTEST thing goes wrong she will bizatch out the waiter and ask for the manager. and my cousins will fuel the fire, and LOVE when she does it. seriously, they brag about it, they get a THRILL out of it. it's pretty sick. but yeah. i would NEVER want to be this way/treat people this way, at all. it makes me cringe just thinking about it. if they ever read this, i'd be in a grave, instantly.

Wow, i really want to learn to be more photogenic. because this picture is plain terrible. Not going to lie, i think i'm sort of posting this here because i think it's kinda cool/flattering. but also mainly because i wanna remember it myself? iono. I mainly post things on here so that i can remember how i felt/what i did/etc, cause i like reading my old posts and remembering how i was/progressed. But, yeah. at the flea market this girl comes up to me and goes "hey i like what you're wearing can i take a picture for my blog". that was pretty cool i guess. but iono seeing her blog, it's not really like the fashionistas,, it's just like interesting clothes of people. So,... yeah eh *shrug. i' def not diggin those boots. or iono the outfit just seems off to me. bleh.plus i look chubby in this pic and i gots no neck and. iono just BOO. ohwell.

So, I want to talk about this movie I saw today called To Save a Life. go google to see what it's about. But, my friend was telling me about it and he was saying how it's amazing and really life changing, and i was really interested and pretty touched of how it changed him. And REALLY admire what he and my other friend are doing(more on that later). But to be quite honest, when I saw it, i didn't really feel the same effect. I really enjoyed the movie line, don't get me wrong, but i'm not sure WHAT it was that made me not appreciate the movie as much as everyone else did. something about the acting, or the tad bit of cheesy predictability was just a tad unsettling. I felt extremely awkward when, you know how after a movie, everyone's all OOH how'd you like it?? and everyone's all yeahh it was really good. like yeah, i thought it was good, had a good message. but some things just distracted me. like things i learned in my church that were different in the movie, like when the boy gets baptized, he wasn't faced down; how when he prayed, he didn't say "in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ I pray"; how although he was supposed to be all transformed, they still depicted him being super angry and such to his parents. and i don't know just,..other things like that . I enjoy the overall theme, but I personally didn't think the movie was OVERLY AMAZINGLY wonderful. I definitely think that if this story was in a well written book form, i would have felt more drawn to it.

I feel like there's other things I wanted to talk about, but just too lazy to type and i really want to get out a post tonight AND this post is already long. SOO, that's all for now. Bye!
Love,
Heather

ps. I really dislike when people say "extra ordinary" instead of "extrrroooordinary" because.. extraordinary is supposed to mean something overly amazing, something NOT ordinary. but saying it as "extra ordinary" makes it sound like it's VERY ordinary. which isn't at all the case.

pps. www.tjc.org check it out.(:

pictures via: prettyfoods.tumblr.com, worldrunway.blogspot.com

Negative Nancy?

Indulgences: yogurtland trip, listening to people's stories, sleeping a lot, phone talks, overanalyzing stupid things :[, eating a buncha junkfood during 2nd,

Love: this., how choir kids come together at events like at the gala, things that give you flashbacks, when people tell you personal things unexpectedly,

Desire: deeper insight, dreams to come back, adventures, better gift-giving skills

Things I want to do in PV: go to a Concours d'Elegance, watch a horse show, go hiking on that trail that everyone knows about, go on the grunion run again, appreciate this place more

It is officially February. my goals: (this is more of a reminder to myself)

1. go to the gym at least once a week (oh dangit i havn't gone yet, i guess i'll be going tomorrow, ey?)

2. be less late to Hoeger's (not more than 5 minutes), only late once a week [failed. but, i wasn't late more than 5 minutes ... i think?]

3.stand up straighter/better posture in general while sitting/standing/anything.

So, you know how sometimes when you're someplace and see people you know. and you say "Hey ___!" and they look immediately at you and go "hey". and you KNOW that they knew you were there, but they were trying to pass it off as if they didn't see you and try to continue on their path? Well, I usually do that,...(the ignoring and just going on in my path. esp if i'm alone/with family) i'm not sure why i do this. It's sort of just out of habit. Maybe it's that I try to avoid an awkward situation? Especially if the people you see, are people you don't know extremely well, it can be VERY, overly awk. But, i think i do it mostly out of habit. but anyway, today i was on the other side of the viewing glass. I was the person saying "hey ___!". and usually, i don't think i'd mind much of the fake surprise hey. cause, ya know... i do it too. but, under my current circumstances, and etc, this encounter was a bit of a slap in my face. i think what bugs me is that it was two people together, ignoring me...as if it was already planned out to not look in my direction. But, then again, who knows.. maybe they really DIDN'T notice me. and at least after i said hey, they responded back and didn't continue to ignore me, yeah? that's a bit of hope.

So, I have this problem with not speaking up when i want to. You know when you're surrounded by people who are talking about something that is opinion related,... and EVERYONE has the same opinion and are ranting on about it? there's quite a number of times where in my mind, i'll have an opposing opinion. and i'll literally be thinking "should i speak up? cmon heather, just do it." and yet, i almost NEVER will. I'm not sure if it's because i don't want to start up conflict, or i'm afraid, or i don't know WHAT it is... but i never tend to voice my opinion much. I always wonder, during this sort of conversation when everyone's contributing to the same idea, except one person is silent... Do the remainder of the conversating participators think that the silent person just agrees with their position? Or do they think that the person is neutral in the position? I surely hope it's the latter, because I wouldn't want people thinking that i have some sort of standpoint, when i don't.

I think it's pretty funny when people say things they really do mean, but try to cover it up by saying "just kidding!" and you KNOW they really arn't. For example: if friend A is eating a LOTTT , and friend B notices this massive consumption. Friend B goes "LOL. dude why are you being such a pig" Friend A has a confused/slightly offended look. Friend B: "hhahaha just kiddingg mann".

(wow that was a really terrible example, but, do you catch my drift?)nd cmon, admit it, you've done it before, everyone has.

But, lately, i've had this habit of calling people out on it and saying "haha! no you're not [joking]". i'm starting to wonder if this action is incredibly irritating or not. hmm. prolly is? but iono, i'm just being truthful. *shrug?

So, today we had the drug/alcohol assembly video/presentation thing. and to be honest, i found it to be ineffective. I felt like the video was repetitive, not only within itself, but also through the past years of the constant "don't do drugs" sort of deal. especially the intro, "i didn't know this was gna happen...i just tried to fit in.." then they talk about their lives destroyed. don't get me wrong, i feel for these people, and am relieved that they have identified their problem and tackled it. but, it's just too typical. Also, i enjoyed how the speaker tried to create an analogy with the balloon. but i mean once he said "inside the balloon are my dreams" i immed

iately thought, "he's gna pop it cause of drugs" and he did, what a cliche. but, iono, then ag ain, repetition can be helpful too i suppose. but I felt like this presentation was directed to the wrong audience. I think the presentation is more of a prevention approach, when, we all know that a lot/large majority of highschoolers are already drinking and doing drugs. I feel like they need a new fresh perspective to address the problem. Person ally, whenever i hear anyone talk about drinking/raves/drugs/etc, i feel slightly awkward/irritated/i don't know. especially for those people who talk about those things CONSTANTLY: i'm not really interested in those kinds of things, i don't really see the point of talking about it. i find it stupid and insignificant. period. And, actually, to be QUITE BLUNT... i find the teenagers who party and talk about it constantly to be very pathetic. i mean, if you need drugs/alcohol/partying to connect with people, and if these are the core of your interests, that's just incredibly sad. i feel like people who do those kinds of things have nothing else to do with their lives and just settle with drugs/alcohol. i feel that teens are becoming increasingly more and more bored wi th their lives, and are trying to find any sort of stimuli to enhance their lives, so they resolve it by settling with drugs/alcohol. Quite a disappointment, in my opinion .

but, that's just what i think..

Wow, watched project runway today.

and i must say, i was extremely disappointed with all of the designs. I thought most of them were just plain BAD. this episode's dresses were filled with overly costume-y ideas, hideous hemlines, just horrendous taste in general. However, one grecian dress was mediocre; it was nice, but just another typical grecian dress. One dress, with the "heart" design had a good DESIGN, but i thought that the execution didn't live up to its potential at all.

I am GOING to cook one of the days next week for my family. recipe, grocery shopping, the whole shabang. i'm determined. i'll write about how it turns out(:

This week, there were Pen cafe auditions. (pen cafe is feb 18th (: )

and... i tried out with lynn and emmelyn, we sang norah jones' "don't know why". while practicing, we recorded ourselves. and i realized, while watching the recording, that i am a HORRIBLE singer. well, not overly horrible... But, not going to lie, i used to think that my singing was pretty good. not the best, but above average, ya know? However, i now officially think that i am less than mediocre when it comes to singing. I sing flat, quite often. and it's just bone shattering(i don't even think that's a phrase). i literally CRINGED while listening. it was awfully embarassing.

So now i'm dreading the actual performance. especially because i have the melody. and melody's supposed to be the loudest of course. boo. and i really don't want my voice to screw up the song and etc.

just thinking about performing is making me nauseous.(yes, i'm being melodramatic). but honestly. it's a recipe for disaster.

1.not being confident of my singing, while having to sing the loudest

2.not being able to sing very loud

3.me being flat

4.awkward kareoke soundtrack of norah jones instead of someone playing it for us

5. long instrumental interlude

6. just plain AWKWARD.

no bueno. not extremely excited. but i mean, i guess as a performer, i gotta suck it up and make it work, yeah? (tim gunn reference). hopefully things will all turn out well.

I just realized, this is a pretty long "downer-esque" blog post. boo.

not diggin' it.

Sorry folks. hopefully a more interesting post sometime soon.

Love,

Heather

Photocredit:
1.pvconcours.com, is this car INSANE or what?
2.prettyfoods they say that the way to a person's heart is through his/her stomach. i concur(:
3.prettyfoods. I found this incredible. how did they make it in that shape?? molds..?