Pitter Patter...

Indulgences: A surprise visit(:, going to cali adventures for free, LA trip, knotts for free, gilmore girls marathon, spending all my money on food(like always), finally signing up for an actual account for lookbook, going to the park in the rain while reminiscing and singing, sitting in the car a little extra long to finish a song and to watch the rain fall down the window,

Listening to: the weepies: gotta have you(and the kina grannis cover of it), iron and wine, tegan and sara, shakira:waka waka(reminds me of europe(: ), Dorothy Hayden's songs(esp. Here I Stay)
Desire: all the things i've desired in the past: basically, things never change.; DBrown riding boots, black combatish boots, black flat oxfords, motorcross jeans,etc., new clothes. To post pictures on lookbook, music collaboration, to be productive,
Love: When i'm coming home and i see that layer of fog that's below(near the ocean) while on top it's clear, and just for a few moments...i feel like I'm not in this world, but in this magical world of bliss.

I visited Hesse park today. It was raining outside, and I was in a romantic mood(not that sort of romantic)... I grabbed my umbrella and headed for that ol' familiar playground that i knew a bit too well. When I got there, it had changed, the construction was finished. I started reminiscing about the times i had on the old playground, and even the times that i snuck out at night and hopped the fence during construction. Swinging on the swings with a pal, staring at my house, making a comment about how the tree over yonder, looked lonely and needed a hug.

But it was all different. My memories didn't coincide with this new playground that I saw. i felt a bit sad, in a way, because i didn't have any memories with this new place. But, I guess this has to change. (:

So, I went along singing away: at the emptiness of the space, at the small little drops that fell from the sky, at the man who was walking his dog and crossed my path. I didn't let anything phase me.. I just kept singing on my way.

That's it for now,

Je T'aime,

Heather

First picture: boo, i couldn't find the pictures that I took of the marine layer of fog that I talk about in my "love" section. When I find a picture/take one, i'll switch it out. picture via palosverdes.com

Second picture: YES PLEASE! via pretty foods.

Oh yeah! A realization about me: I think that I'm a pretty patient person. ish, or more than some, atleast....? BUT. i realized that I'm VERY impatient with people who are not patient. I get extremely annoyed, irritated, and snappy when people are impatient.

kbye(:

Home is where the heart is

Indulgences: going to LA, attending the b here thing, going to hello kitty extravaganza. (:, cooking spam in egg and rice, eating a can of corn, movie, celebrating birthdays, ASAHI. ALL YOU CAN EAT SUSHI. SOO AMAZING., HOME>Love: considerate people, sincere and humble people, my highschool friends, full delirium from eating good food, the cold weather, that my sister would surprise me with a call at like 7 am to tell me that she's in line at best buy for the dslr that i mentioned i wanted but would never stand in line for, little quirks about people, tuxedo sam

Listening to: beautiful people by sam ock, she is love by parachute, pater peccavi, 2 am club, jra:by chance, clara chung:rocketeer cover,

Desire: stationary, to use a-daily thoughts and other random stuff-journal, new cute over the head headphones, a trip to all of these. yes please(:. one of those freaking adorable totoro cream puffs like in the picture, a totoro sofa, a hello kitty apron(don't laugh. but i didn't get it b/c it's a kids medium :[ ), to catch up with all my old friends, to write and send out all the letters that i've been intending to do, gloves, polaroid film, black boots, motivation, to join an acapella/something of the sort.

A bit about me: I generally don't change much, my procrastination screws me over, i LOVE food, i like reminiscing(maybe a little bit too much), i'm passive

photo inspiration:
1. on my building there's a large panel of reflective windows. I want it to be sunset with clouds in the sky with an array of colors in the sky. and take a picture of the panel of windows reflecting the spectrum of colors of the sky.
2. on the engineering building there are these white.. i don't know. up there. it's some sort of architecture design that would look nice if you get the right angle.
3. a line of orange trees that is absolutely adorable picture perfect. right near the barn. (:

So, I randomly went to a performance at UCLA that had joseph vincent, clara chung, kaba modern, quest, etc. they were. amazing! LOOP MACHINES. I LOVE LOOP MACHINES so much. I missed some sort of culture even if it was only watching a singing+dancing performance. it was great (:.

Considerate people like and treat considerate people more kindly. I'm just saying.

Definition of thankful: expressing gratitude and relief

Definition of thank: express gratitude to (someone)

I've come to realize that in my life, I'm very thankful for many things. But although I'm thankful, I noticed that I don't necessarily thank God for things. But i'm simply thankful. This may be a problem.

I overthink things. and question myself. not good.

So, I remember back in the day whenever I saw coffee I would squeal "MMM! COFFEE!" and a friend would tell me constantly how caffeine is the most abused drug. And I would be all sad ish , or not really. but I'd be self-conscious for my like of coffee. But while I was in psychology lecture: my teacher told me about how he had an addiction to coffee: it went to the point where he had 21 cups a day. And that he drank it because he got a buzz, and then built tolerance, and the only way to try to get the buzz was to increase intake. Anyway, in the midst of all this lecturing: i remembered when i became self-conscious for whenever i wanted to drink coffee. But! i realized that I don't enjoy coffee for the caffeine. I think coffee tastes yummy. and smells delicious. I'd drink decaf over caffeinated with no problem. it's like me liking apple juice. i like the taste. so i don't know why, but this put my mind at a bit of an ease. (like closing a chapter-a teeny one). (:

So, I've come to realize that I love where I live. I love how it gets dark dark dark at night and you can see quite a number of stars even though we're in LA. I love how it's naturey and green and hilly. I love that the air feels so clean and crisp and refreshing. I love that at school, even though there were a LOT of asians, we were still pretty diverse and have experiences with other races and arn't oblivious to different cultures. I love that around the area, there's all kinds of different cultured food that's made WELL and is delliccioussss! I love how it's all spaced out with little secret spots. I love that it's super safe. I love how you can go out at whenever time in the late night and walk in the middle of the street, and there probably won't be any cars. I love how there are a million shots of pv that are picturesque and the area in general has awe-inspiring views. I

I hate whenever I think of things to write about and then i forget them.. :[

A break

a break from the reflections.
Indulgences: mcdonalds parfait, snack wrap, softserve, x 3, hugging chubs too much, sleeping way too late, getting a bunch of asian food/bringing it back, take-away shows, pretty foods
Love: crunchy leaves. food blogs, fashion blogs, people/strangers that do unnecessary nice things
A bit about me: i'm girly and yet not at the same time, I like respectful people and people with fabulous manners, i stick up for the underdog
Desire:DSLR, trapper hat, a ribbon bow thing, chunky scarf, cold weather, not dry weather, palos verdes, joining an acapella/singing, getting involved, GOOD FOOD, europe to come back
Listening to: Santogold:creator, some good ol' ingrid, blogotheque take-away shows: this one is AMAZING(it's tegan and sarah singing feel it in my bones. it gives me chills.), to build a home by cinematic orchestra

So a couple days ago, I was walking back from class, and for some reason, I tried to look at my school through a photographer's point of view. I was craving a photoshoot and wanted to take pictures in this empty valley sort of thing next to my dorm. I have it all in my mind already: a girl in indie-esque clothing. clothing that's summery/ spring wear, that's light. preferably a dress that's colored or white. doing some sort of mid-air pose like dancing alone.
Something about the dead plants sparked this image/idea in my mind that it'd be beautiful to contrast the dead field with an incredibly lively subject.
Second shot: there are these green vine arches near the bike rack that I thought would make an adorable couple shoot. Possibly a shot from one side of the arch looking through the arches. with the couple leaning on one side of the arch.
These don't make quite much sense as I describe them, but I have it all in my mind. (:
I want an SLR.

I'm craving culture, inspiration, art, imagination, excitement. I want/need to find a different side of Riverside. I refuse to spend countless weekends here doing nothing, holed up in the dorms constantly saying "so,.. what shall we do now..?" and end up sitting, doing nothing, watching people play computer games. I need adventure or culture. I'm planning on going to see the photography museum sometime soon. Hopefully I'll find someone that's interested in going with me. if not, oh well.. I'm still determined to go.

What do college kids do in their spare time?
I'm REALLY curious. i feel like it's just gaming, partying/drinking, studying, eating, or sleeping.
sigh. :[

the only good thing about Riverside's dry weather: EXTRA CRUNCHY LEAVES. it's so satisfying when you step on a leaf and it crumbles into pieces with that loud CRUNCH. puts a smile on my face. (:

I NEED GOOD FOOD. i didn't realize how many good asian food was near where i lived. not only good asian food: but just good FOOD in general. of different cultures. oohhh how i miss i so much. In need of a trip to LA for good food? yessss indeed.

I just looked through some of my europe pictures again. and oh how i miss it so badly. the perfect amount of adventure, laid back/relaxation, culture, delicious food, friends, activeness, GAH. :[ europe. come back.

I tried to watch babies the other day,... it was awkward. I'm thinking of trying to give it another shot someday. maybe on my own, try to see if i can appreciate the art of the movie, see if I can actually embrace the different cultures between the babies and the cuteness of the babies and not be distracted/appalled at the too revealing nature of the cinematography.
Another movie that I might need to try again: amelie. it was way too graphic in certain scenes, and quite odd in general, but i may need to keep an open mind.

alright, enough random blabbering for the day.
Adieu! and you and you and you!
Love, Heather

Reflection Series-Part 2

Indulgences: Project runway, triangle trip, eclectic collection of music, saying goodbyes to friends, reminiscing on old memories, lots of in depth thinking, making a million and one lists, socializing instead of studying, putting myself out there, trail-blazing up a mountain to the C at night, not buying textbooks

Thinking about: advertisements, childhood, consumerism, raising children. (reminders to talk about in later posts), father's critiques,

Love: garancedore, sartorialist, fashion blogs, making lists, having my mind be expanded, friendly people, the delirious-tired stage, becoming super close with people within a span of a week, chivalry, good mannered/considerate people, LATE CLASSES

A bit about me: i love indie-esque things. also LOVE vintage things. in love with hipster, def wish i was a hipster., in love with the light rose and cream color scheme at the moment, i like romance-and not only in the mushy movie type of way, i'm a huge dreamer, i love trying new things(esp when it comes to food)

Europe:

Europe was amazing. I fell in love with the romance of its culture. I realized while in Europe, that i'm really interested in learning different cultures and customs. I'm fascinated at how different people function, what they believe to be comfortable and natural.

Europe was one of those trips of a lifetime. there isn't another time that i'll be able to get together with 40 or so people who most of which i've seen around for 4 years, but never got to know, go to europe for a month, and share an amazing adventure of novelty with, which instantly grows friendships. Even though it was crazy expensive, its a life memory, and worth it.

Orientation:

Skipping this.

Church camp: in a later post.

Foundation/History:

I've come to find how important it is to know your family history and how interesting it could be. One day while driving back to some place, I was asking my mom about our family. There was so much to take in and to digest. I think that family history is something that each child and their parent should talk about, it not only informs the child of their family, but creates a special bond/moment. History is our foundation/building blocks. Not knowing your own family history is basically to not know who you are, what your background is. I would be incredibly ashamed if my future children asked me about my family's history, and didn't have an answer for them.

I'm excited to learn more.(:

The "grey area"/being both:

I think i've talked about this before. About being part of the world, and trying to be a christian at the same time. It doesn't work out. I'm having a hard time letting this concept go of being favored in both aspects. One aspect that's really killing me: music. I know I shouldn't listen to ANY sort of secular music, even if it doesn't seem "bad" such as indie music, which i love. Incredibly difficult. I'm still confused as to the ratio of world:Godliness that a person can/should be.

Following simple rules:

So, I've been thinking... that I need to start following small rules. Such as driving rules.

Think about it, you know how in church, people don't want to do the small chores, such as cleaning the bathrooms (classic example), but are willing to do larger role things such as teaching, or whatever. But, we have to be able to do the small chores thoroughly and whole heartedly. If we are incapable of taking the small chores seriously, how can God trust us with larger chores/roles?

Similarly with the idea of rules. I don't follow traffic laws. I like to speed and get to places as fast as I can, switching lanes frequently, etc. I need to learn to leave early to ensure that I have enough time to get places on time(a definite problem), and to follow the traffic laws. Know what I was thinking? If I can't even follow silly small WORLDY laws, how will God ever trust me to abide by His laws?

So, I did all of my reflections super short/cliff note version. Or else this would take forever.

More reflections later about the ones briefly mentioned up top.

College:

So, I'm at college right now. I live in an engineering dorm hall. At first, I was really bummed cause I thought everyone would be SUPER antisocial, which isn't completely false. But, I find it a secret blessing. I realized that since I'm in an engineering dorm hall, a lot of people don't party, but instead just like kick back and hang out. A lot of people don't drink nor do drugs. Even though there's only two halls/suites of girls, and 6 suites with guys, i may think that i prefer it. Girls are a bit dramatic. Also, I'm not sure, but I think I make friends more easily with guys. Or according to tanya: "you WOULD have more guy friends already". *shrug. also, since it's so quiet, it should be easier to study, for when I really need to crack down on homework.

God really does always provide.

One thing that's a downer is that I don't feel all that inspired here.

I've been feeling extremely shallow (not in the--only paying attention to looks-- type of way; but the -not really thinking thinking-type of way.) I havn't been doing in depth thinking, or I'm not sure what it is, but I feel slightly different. I'm not sure if i like it or not.

The other day though, I was walking back from class, and it started to rain, it was still hot out and everyone was covering their heads with binders/bags, etc. But I wanted to take my time from class, enjoy every aspect of the rain/feeling/environment. The funky smell, the tingle of the drops falling on your skin, the need to wipe it out your eyes every minute, the slippery feeling between my toes(wearing sandals), and everything else. It was one of the first times that I felt real.

...more about college/everything else later cause i'm getting lazy.

Adeiu,

Heather<3

(picture comment: I miss home's amazing scenery)

Reflection Series-Part 1

Indulgences: eating a lot, driving a million miles to hang out, being super lazy, thinking a lot/reflecting, thinking about old memories with friends, spending way too much money carelessly, creating a bucket list

Thinking about: patience, foundation/history, the "grey area"/being both, following simple rules. (mainly to remind myself to discuss these things later), faith,

Love: lookbook [i'm such an addict], going back to my feasting ways, catching up with friends, this wedding[it was on etsy. super cute and indie. watch the video!!]

Desire: I've already found the dress, this dress[a good second choice], cultivate my faith, sincerity, wisdom, bible knowledge, strength and will, start working on my goals

Okay. First of the things to reflect on:

Leaving and the end of High School.

the end of highschool was a complete blur. everything was so fast that I didn't feel a thing.

I was extremely surprised that no one cried at all, ever. but then again, I didn't either. The continuous rush of the next event(from graduation to grad night) and the delirious exhaustion from staying up all night, getting adrenaline highs from riding 1000 roller coasters in a row. There wasn't any time in between to pause. reflect. and realize: we're all leaving and this is the last time we'll all be together like this, as one big peninsula high school family.

Not going to lie though, there was one moment where I almost began to cry. Something about Kelcie's speech at graduation just made me emotional. I think it was mainly because if you knew kelcie, you know that she speaks from her heart. It just felt extremely personal and made me reminisce on our childhood.

I realized just lately how I'm going to miss highschool. I'm for sure going to miss that feel of when you have classes with people and you feel a connection of being a group in the class. (if that makes any sense at all.) I'm going to regret(and already do) not performing at a coffee house(I promised myself in freshman year that i'd perform in senior year, but didn't find the time to). Most of all, though, I'm going to miss choir.

I think that last year was my most enjoyable year in choir. I began to love and appreciate the art of really working on improving my vocal skills. I feel like unless I hire a vocal trainer, I'm never going to improve or work on my voice again. I enjoyed how Doctor challenged us without even noticing that it was difficult. He made learning fun and relaxing because of his quirky and adorable personality. I'm going to miss the choir family, that bond we formed from hanging in the back rooms, strolling in late, laughing at doctor's craziness, and just everything else. It truly was amazing and one of the highlights of my senior year.[[plus. i can't believe they're going to spain next year. lucky butts.]]

Leaving. to be quite frank, i don't even feel like i'm actually leaving. Especially if i have a car, I can pretty much come home whenever I want. So, I havn't really felt any effect yet. The only problem is that when I come back, almost everyone will be gone. I've felt conflicted about friends. Just lately, i've been missing some people LOTS. like, LOTS LOTS. memories bombard my mind. ferreals. A lot of the times though, i feel like if you forget a friend, there'll be someone out there who can replace him/her. ya know? but. i think i'm starting to change ish this perspective. Someone told me "a true friend is someone who, even after you lost touch for a long time, when you catch up, it feels as if you picked up from where you left off". And i've began to realize who I have this sort of connection with. It really is beautiful, how relationships form and develop and become everlasting, ey?

On another note: it's weird how people can just be out of your lives in a snap.

just like that. and they're gone.

i always hate when these sort of things happen. they leave me without closure. this wide gaping hole. It's like when you don't close the lid on something all the way. It's unsettling and awkward and all you want to do is have it completely shut, sealed, closed.

That's it for now. I'll probably have more ramblings about leaving (probably closer to when I actually AM leaving.)

More reflections to come(when I get over my laziness)

Ciao,

Heather

[[thought the name change was necessary. It better describes what the use of this blog is for. Oh how my memory is so terrible that i need to record EVERYTHING and anything or i'll instantly forget]]

[[I'll definitely miss being 10 minutes away from the beach,though]]

Neglected

Maybe i'll blog later.

things to reflect on

-leaving/end of highschool

-europe

-orientation

-church camp

-random thoughts

time. tbd. probably a (long) while from now.

this is a reminder to myself that i told my mind that i'm going to blog. sometime... or another...

we'll see.

Nostalgia

Oh, how ironic that they played "Forever Young"

it brings my mind back to "wonderwall", "if you leave", "paint the silence".

...it gets me every time...ugh.

I Want You!

...I want you soo baddddddd

I want yyooooooooouuuu.

I want you soo baddd.

It's drivin' me MAD. it's drrivvinnng meee madd!

I want polaroid 600 film really badly. i hope that camera works. i want a polaroid wall.

Indulgences: GILMORE GIRLS, prom gossip (oh goodness...), eating the rest of that coffee haagendaz(basically 2/3 of the pint) YUM, adding a LOT of apps on my phone, daydreaming, not studying for aps, doing practically nothing in class, iced coffee

Love: hearing that people care, when people reflect your enthusiasm/initiate enthusiasm, the little things and the big things, talking about food, when people share things with you about their lives

Listening to: anna ternheim:my heart still beats for you [[lovelovelovelovelove.]]on repeat.

Desire: "this weird feeling to go away", depth, closure, coffee, polaroid film, "person"(greys reference), excitement/adventures, memories to be nostalgic about in the future, a different way of talking(a way that's more intelligent sounding/sophisticated), to fit into my assembly dress and be able to breathe in it.

"I'm having one of those moments right now...One of those moments that everything is so perfect and so wonderful that you almost feel sad because nothing can ever be this good again."

Rory and Dean sitting in the car looking at the stars.

Yep, i'm past the point of no return. hello addiction.

Long time since I wrote something here, huh?

College. it's going to be scary. I feel like I'm already incredibly behind. On housing, parking, random requirements, everything.

I want to explore, do things. isn't it a shame whenever you want to plan something out with people but the thing(s) just end up not happening? the worst.

Don't really have much to say/Can't think of anything at the time being.

So, that's it. bye!

pictures:

1.polaroid heart via flickr. i want to do either that or...

2.THAT. Yes, all of those are polaroids. amazing, no?

3. I'm going to make that molten lava cake. yesssiirrree!

That was short...

Indulgences: cooking a baked ziti, reading a cookbook, sleeping a LOT., not doing homework, shopping, blogs

Love: not talking about colleges, clothes...sigh., getting excited for other people's futures, denim, shoulder detail

Desire: this weird feeling to go away, to stop having to rush everywhere(i think the tension is making me die early), more bible knowledge, GET A JOB. DO IT NOW., less ignorance

title referring to both internet fast and this post.

the short internet fast went better than last year, to say the least.

i remember last year i said no aim or internet? and instead i just spent a magillion hours on my "email" talking to people through gchat.

this year, i actually didn't go on the internet. but.. iono the fast didn't really go as planned. I expected myself to dedicate a lot more time to God. But, i found myself sleeping a LOT. instead?

So, I guess i shall try again sometime soon.

the fast, was a tad cleansing. Just, not to expectations, ya know?

It's been about four and a half months. yes, i've been counting. I'm still waiting, and wondering how long it'll be until this ends.

i dropped about 140 dollar yesterday on clothes. i havn't been shopping in a while. i feel really extremely guilty. and to make it WORSE, my dad was talking about how we don't have enough money for me for college and we gotta take out loans.

...yay.

I need to get a job. I need to stop saying that i need to get a job, and actually start getting/filling out applications and submit them. let the job hunting commence!

that's all folks.

Heather

i wish i was european.

Fast Internet?

Nope. I am, however, going on an Internet fast.

11 days. No internet except for email, edline, college crap, weather.com, sometimes youtube ONLY if i'm learning guitar stuff on it, googlemaps, and if i plan on cooking/baking something: recipe searching but not for a long time 25 min max.

Sadly, this is going to be hard for me. But I have to do it.

Starting sundown tonight. ending: sundown on the 25th.

Feel free to call me up to hang out/talk.(:

Honestly?

Hello new favorite way to tie scarves.

Indulgences: blogs. how addicting can they get?seriously...; random magazines(like..good housekeeping ones); nrb with koreans; watching a ballet; having dinner with pops; lazying around with friends

Listening to: Monky Mark& Emily Wells:"Symphony 6: Fare Thee Well and the Requiem Mix", The Living Sisters, Micachu and the Shapes, Jamie cullun, She&Him, bethany joy lenz:honestly(old fave)

Love: sartorialist, weird people who understand you, watching people change(for the good), optimism, when people say hilariously idiotic things,

Desire: Make my post-it+verse wall collage, do a cityrace/raceLA, saturday nights at the getty(boo, i missed the living sisters performance), perform at a coffee house w/friends, biking along the beach, people who are calling in search of wellsfargo to stop calling me.

So, did you know that there are pro-anorexia websites out there? I learned this little tidbit in psychology. but apparently, these sites call out to anorexics and join together to try to defend anorexia. They claim that anorexia is a way of living, a lifestyle, and everyone should just deal with it. Reason I bring this up? I feel like homosexuality is sort of similar. People trying to convince everyone that it's a lifestyle and that we should deal with it. I mean, if now the norm is to accept homosexuality, when is it going to become the norm to accept anorexia, right? no? Sort of like the video I saw in psych where there's a whole buncha obese people rallying for changes in society to fit to them. They claim that society should change things for them, not them for society. (such as changing car seats, larger movie theater seats, etc etc.) i find it a tad/pretty ridiculous, but maybe i'm cold hearted. who knows.

In general, i'm a pretty timid person. a lot of the time, i really really hate it. But, i'm coming to terms with it. Part of me really likes it, cause when i think of a traditional woman from back in the day, i think of a meek, mild lady who's graceful, poised, and such, which i want to be more like that.

I think that I and many others out there look at Christianity too often as a sort of "rule book". What I should do, and what i shouldn't. I'm really trying to abolish this sort of mindset, because that's not what christianity is about at all. Loving God is what it's about, and thanking Him. Through loving Him, i should naturally not want/do the things I'm not supposed to do. Through praising and glorifying Him, I'll naturally do the things I'm supposed to. I think I need to really listen to the Spirit's prompting more carefully.

99 foods It's pretty sad to admit, but mr. hoeger's class is by far one of the most interesting classes i've taken yet. I love how he emphasizes so much on culture and such. Although i'm completely overly screwed for the AP, i don't really care. Articles like THAT(the 99 foods one), are why i'm in love with the quirkiness of hoeger. that link, btw is 99 foods to try in LA before you die. anyone down to eat each 99? i definitely am. Hoeger says that two publications crowned LA as the food capitol of the world. Hard to believe, right? Or, i think so anyway, with competition such as new york, rome, etc. So, I feel like i REALLY need to go out there and explore the food realm of Los Angeles, knowing that there's so much good stuff out there for me to enjoy.

So, I don't want this to be of offense to anyone, honestly. it's just my random thoughts. But, I never really quite understood praise bands at churches. i understand. but i don't. Like, I get praise bands, to praise God, of course. But like. I feel that when only a couple of people are designated to lead praise i feel like the focus is a little more on them rather than on God. I may be totally completely wrong, but it's just how i feel at the moment. I also feel a bit.. off when i think of performances of christian songs in front of people. Cause,.. singing praises is to glorify God, yeah? But, if you perform a christian song, it's like sure, YOU're feeling Him. But when others congratulate you, they're congratulating YOU. and how well YOU did. "oh man you were so good! you sounded amazing!". It's not like people say "Wow, i really felt God through you. Wow, your love for God truly exuded from your performance and I want to know Him now too" or if they do say that, that's VERY rare, but also very amazing. But anyway, to me, it seems as if performing christian songs kind of robs God of His glory and is made as your own glory.

I realized that I really DO think I like food a lot more than the next person. Such as... a lot of things that I thought were common knowledge, apparently arn't. Such as, one time I was eating at sammy's woodfire pizza with some friends and there was a pizza with proscuitto and arugula. And,... someone said "What's... pro-skeww-tiooo..?" and i'm explain, it's "pro shoot o", ya know... the meat, thinnly sliced stuff" but.. i guess the person didn't know. Maybe it was just that one person, though that didn't know it, and others do. Also yesterday, we were eating chocolate at church and two people were like. what's... "nougat" and i think in my mind it was all... "dude, cmon really? it's that stuff that's in chocolate. i don't really know how to describe it. but it's the stuff! CMON. it's freaking nougat!" *shrug. maybe it's just the wrong people at the wrong time.

"The blue sky's above you, it's your time to fly" Thanks pops. So ya know when you hear other people's parents say sweet things, then it's like,.. aww. but when you hear your own parents say something, it's just kinda weird. That definitely happened to me today at the Assembly's "lunch with mom and dad" thinger. yeah.

I am the typical crazy asian girl driver. I turned a right a bit (understatement) too sharply, and like.. deformed my hubcap a bit. So, now when i drive, it makes this WRETCHED SCREECHING noise. it's pretty horrific, annoying, embarassing, and just terrible in general. sigh :[

"I don't want to talk about You like You're not in the room. Want to look right at You, want to sing right to You" I hear these lyrics in my car almost every day. And everyday, I want to really follow it and truly remember that God is constantly with me and to talk about Him in mind that He's there, and to sing to Him (just as the lyrics say. lol.) it's quite difficult, actually.

So, I realized that i'm REALLY REALLY REALLY OVERBEARINGLY addicted to the internet. It's pretty ridiculous, actually. Like, i honestly think i check like a bagillion blogs daily, multiple times, plus fb plus both emails, plus like.. yahoo and youtube and just. iono i think i've let it consume me. and I've been thinking about going a a small internet fast lately, and to be honest, i'm a huge wuss, and have been avoiding it. mm but i think i should soon. it probably won't be lent status long. it'll probably be only like a week, a week and a half. which.. may seem pretty short, but like. my addiction, like is so crazy that, that amount of time is QUITE long. So, yeah. i'll either be m.i.a. and not going on the internet, cept maybe email. or... iono. we'll see.

BLAGHABLAGH. that's all.

Love,

Heather

Photocredit: sartorialist. loveloveloveee.; laweekly.com kogi taco. OH, THAT'S RIGHT, I ALREADY ATE YOU. ONE DOWN 98 TO GO. mmmm.(:

tjc.org

Indulgences: Going to the flea market(FINALLY), jack in the box churros, cooking nights!, wearing guy jeans, almond yummy yogurt

Listening to: Valentine, the notebook soundtrack(old favorites, especially in love with the main title and i'll be seeing you by billie holiday), new cd en mi coche, bird song by ingrid

Love: music, appropriate silence, delicious food, food outings, trying new different kinds of food, driving and trying to hit those little flappy markers that are on the road during construction(too bad they're gone now. boo)

Desire: to make that <--- cake. , learn valentine on guitar(workin on it. can't get that f sharp with the stupid bar. boo.), watch/read "the classics", the notebook soundtrack in cd version(whether bought or burned), more will to bible read, be a tad less awkward, get together with people music sesh and post stuff on youtube(:

Wow, super fail on my goals of the month... i was late to class everyday as usual. only exercised once, and my posture hasn't improved much(maybe a teensy WEENSY bit. but no. not really.) AND i didn't cook for my family. ugh. k, maybe i should only have 1-2 goals per month so that i can concentrate on them more..? or just plain try harder. yeah.

"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'" (Matthew 7:21-23)

So, i'm pretty concerned about this. I feel as if, maybe i'm one of these people. I just cruise along, and then one day at the end I'll call out Lord! Lord! and I'll be rejected because I wasn't faithful enough/didn't do enough/etc. and that possibility is completely frightening.

I mean, where's the line drawn between people who believe Him, and people who sort of follow Him, and those people who are VERY devout? I don't know, no one does, except God. So I just need to try my best. (is it sad that i had to yahoo.com to find where exactly that verse was? yes, very sad indeed.)

So,... I know that I care for people. but i'm worried that i don't care enough for people. I don't feel this constant urgency to save people, to try to bring them to God. is that bad? i think it is. if i'm not caring whether or not people know Jesus Christ, does that mean i don't care for their eternal salvation which means i don't care for them..?

I don't know... just something that i've been tossing around in my mind.

So, I realized that I bought THE most different items of clothing ever, over lastlast weekend.

one. is a white lace dress that seems like old fashion, classic, almost churchy(picture of it down there).

the other, a black leather strapless dress.

i'm still trying to figure out how to wear these articles of clothing that i bought.

Pen cafe was thursday! it was quite fun :D i think we actually did pretty well. it was fun. i think i should stop complaining and just enjoy it more and stuff and stop overly thinking whether my voice is up to par and etc. and just have more fun with it.

so. the reason why my title is hello to nobody.. is because i thought no one, but myself would be reading these. or maybe like one/two other people who just happened to come across it or something. but lately, more people have been telling me hey! i read your blog. or something of the such (and when i say more, it's not liek A LOTT of people, just more than i expected). and to be honest, it makes me feel quite awkward? knowing that what i'm writing is going to be seen, read, judged, iono. it's strange. but i guess, what could i have expected... it IS online, it IS a blog, and i DID put it in my facebook(why did i do that, again..? who knows. maybe i should remove it.),... or do i like that people are reading this.? i have no clue. *shrug. sigh... oh the uncertainties of my mind.

influence of aunt/cousins

I need to be very cautious about the influence of others around me. Especially my aunt and cousins/family. They're family, and I know I'm supposed to love them, but sometimes the way they are, just.. make it quite difficult. My aunt's the kind of person who... so, last weekend my cousins, sister, aunt, and i were standing infront of the escalator/a little to the side of it. and two african american ladies accidently bumped into her, i believe, and went onto the escalator

as they went up, my aunt gave them dirty looks and said "fat ass" just loud enough so they can hear. And it's just like. woah, chill out. ya know? and it's like "oh well maybe your aunt was having a bad day or something..?" no, she's always like this. and imagine this is coming from a shorter than 5 foot asian woman. ...yeeah. She's super short tempered, and i'm pretty sure she thinks the world NEEDS to fit to her/her family's liking. and i don't know. it's just very frustrating. another example is at restaurants. OH, the WORST. my aunt is the kind who.. if even the SLIGHTEST thing goes wrong she will bizatch out the waiter and ask for the manager. and my cousins will fuel the fire, and LOVE when she does it. seriously, they brag about it, they get a THRILL out of it. it's pretty sick. but yeah. i would NEVER want to be this way/treat people this way, at all. it makes me cringe just thinking about it. if they ever read this, i'd be in a grave, instantly.

Wow, i really want to learn to be more photogenic. because this picture is plain terrible. Not going to lie, i think i'm sort of posting this here because i think it's kinda cool/flattering. but also mainly because i wanna remember it myself? iono. I mainly post things on here so that i can remember how i felt/what i did/etc, cause i like reading my old posts and remembering how i was/progressed. But, yeah. at the flea market this girl comes up to me and goes "hey i like what you're wearing can i take a picture for my blog". that was pretty cool i guess. but iono seeing her blog, it's not really like the fashionistas,, it's just like interesting clothes of people. So,... yeah eh *shrug. i' def not diggin those boots. or iono the outfit just seems off to me. bleh.plus i look chubby in this pic and i gots no neck and. iono just BOO. ohwell.

So, I want to talk about this movie I saw today called To Save a Life. go google to see what it's about. But, my friend was telling me about it and he was saying how it's amazing and really life changing, and i was really interested and pretty touched of how it changed him. And REALLY admire what he and my other friend are doing(more on that later). But to be quite honest, when I saw it, i didn't really feel the same effect. I really enjoyed the movie line, don't get me wrong, but i'm not sure WHAT it was that made me not appreciate the movie as much as everyone else did. something about the acting, or the tad bit of cheesy predictability was just a tad unsettling. I felt extremely awkward when, you know how after a movie, everyone's all OOH how'd you like it?? and everyone's all yeahh it was really good. like yeah, i thought it was good, had a good message. but some things just distracted me. like things i learned in my church that were different in the movie, like when the boy gets baptized, he wasn't faced down; how when he prayed, he didn't say "in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ I pray"; how although he was supposed to be all transformed, they still depicted him being super angry and such to his parents. and i don't know just,..other things like that . I enjoy the overall theme, but I personally didn't think the movie was OVERLY AMAZINGLY wonderful. I definitely think that if this story was in a well written book form, i would have felt more drawn to it.

I feel like there's other things I wanted to talk about, but just too lazy to type and i really want to get out a post tonight AND this post is already long. SOO, that's all for now. Bye!
Love,
Heather

ps. I really dislike when people say "extra ordinary" instead of "extrrroooordinary" because.. extraordinary is supposed to mean something overly amazing, something NOT ordinary. but saying it as "extra ordinary" makes it sound like it's VERY ordinary. which isn't at all the case.

pps. www.tjc.org check it out.(:

pictures via: prettyfoods.tumblr.com, worldrunway.blogspot.com

Negative Nancy?

Indulgences: yogurtland trip, listening to people's stories, sleeping a lot, phone talks, overanalyzing stupid things :[, eating a buncha junkfood during 2nd,

Love: this., how choir kids come together at events like at the gala, things that give you flashbacks, when people tell you personal things unexpectedly,

Desire: deeper insight, dreams to come back, adventures, better gift-giving skills

Things I want to do in PV: go to a Concours d'Elegance, watch a horse show, go hiking on that trail that everyone knows about, go on the grunion run again, appreciate this place more

It is officially February. my goals: (this is more of a reminder to myself)

1. go to the gym at least once a week (oh dangit i havn't gone yet, i guess i'll be going tomorrow, ey?)

2. be less late to Hoeger's (not more than 5 minutes), only late once a week [failed. but, i wasn't late more than 5 minutes ... i think?]

3.stand up straighter/better posture in general while sitting/standing/anything.

So, you know how sometimes when you're someplace and see people you know. and you say "Hey ___!" and they look immediately at you and go "hey". and you KNOW that they knew you were there, but they were trying to pass it off as if they didn't see you and try to continue on their path? Well, I usually do that,...(the ignoring and just going on in my path. esp if i'm alone/with family) i'm not sure why i do this. It's sort of just out of habit. Maybe it's that I try to avoid an awkward situation? Especially if the people you see, are people you don't know extremely well, it can be VERY, overly awk. But, i think i do it mostly out of habit. but anyway, today i was on the other side of the viewing glass. I was the person saying "hey ___!". and usually, i don't think i'd mind much of the fake surprise hey. cause, ya know... i do it too. but, under my current circumstances, and etc, this encounter was a bit of a slap in my face. i think what bugs me is that it was two people together, ignoring me...as if it was already planned out to not look in my direction. But, then again, who knows.. maybe they really DIDN'T notice me. and at least after i said hey, they responded back and didn't continue to ignore me, yeah? that's a bit of hope.

So, I have this problem with not speaking up when i want to. You know when you're surrounded by people who are talking about something that is opinion related,... and EVERYONE has the same opinion and are ranting on about it? there's quite a number of times where in my mind, i'll have an opposing opinion. and i'll literally be thinking "should i speak up? cmon heather, just do it." and yet, i almost NEVER will. I'm not sure if it's because i don't want to start up conflict, or i'm afraid, or i don't know WHAT it is... but i never tend to voice my opinion much. I always wonder, during this sort of conversation when everyone's contributing to the same idea, except one person is silent... Do the remainder of the conversating participators think that the silent person just agrees with their position? Or do they think that the person is neutral in the position? I surely hope it's the latter, because I wouldn't want people thinking that i have some sort of standpoint, when i don't.

I think it's pretty funny when people say things they really do mean, but try to cover it up by saying "just kidding!" and you KNOW they really arn't. For example: if friend A is eating a LOTTT , and friend B notices this massive consumption. Friend B goes "LOL. dude why are you being such a pig" Friend A has a confused/slightly offended look. Friend B: "hhahaha just kiddingg mann".

(wow that was a really terrible example, but, do you catch my drift?)nd cmon, admit it, you've done it before, everyone has.

But, lately, i've had this habit of calling people out on it and saying "haha! no you're not [joking]". i'm starting to wonder if this action is incredibly irritating or not. hmm. prolly is? but iono, i'm just being truthful. *shrug?

So, today we had the drug/alcohol assembly video/presentation thing. and to be honest, i found it to be ineffective. I felt like the video was repetitive, not only within itself, but also through the past years of the constant "don't do drugs" sort of deal. especially the intro, "i didn't know this was gna happen...i just tried to fit in.." then they talk about their lives destroyed. don't get me wrong, i feel for these people, and am relieved that they have identified their problem and tackled it. but, it's just too typical. Also, i enjoyed how the speaker tried to create an analogy with the balloon. but i mean once he said "inside the balloon are my dreams" i immed

iately thought, "he's gna pop it cause of drugs" and he did, what a cliche. but, iono, then ag ain, repetition can be helpful too i suppose. but I felt like this presentation was directed to the wrong audience. I think the presentation is more of a prevention approach, when, we all know that a lot/large majority of highschoolers are already drinking and doing drugs. I feel like they need a new fresh perspective to address the problem. Person ally, whenever i hear anyone talk about drinking/raves/drugs/etc, i feel slightly awkward/irritated/i don't know. especially for those people who talk about those things CONSTANTLY: i'm not really interested in those kinds of things, i don't really see the point of talking about it. i find it stupid and insignificant. period. And, actually, to be QUITE BLUNT... i find the teenagers who party and talk about it constantly to be very pathetic. i mean, if you need drugs/alcohol/partying to connect with people, and if these are the core of your interests, that's just incredibly sad. i feel like people who do those kinds of things have nothing else to do with their lives and just settle with drugs/alcohol. i feel that teens are becoming increasingly more and more bored wi th their lives, and are trying to find any sort of stimuli to enhance their lives, so they resolve it by settling with drugs/alcohol. Quite a disappointment, in my opinion .

but, that's just what i think..

Wow, watched project runway today.

and i must say, i was extremely disappointed with all of the designs. I thought most of them were just plain BAD. this episode's dresses were filled with overly costume-y ideas, hideous hemlines, just horrendous taste in general. However, one grecian dress was mediocre; it was nice, but just another typical grecian dress. One dress, with the "heart" design had a good DESIGN, but i thought that the execution didn't live up to its potential at all.

I am GOING to cook one of the days next week for my family. recipe, grocery shopping, the whole shabang. i'm determined. i'll write about how it turns out(:

This week, there were Pen cafe auditions. (pen cafe is feb 18th (: )

and... i tried out with lynn and emmelyn, we sang norah jones' "don't know why". while practicing, we recorded ourselves. and i realized, while watching the recording, that i am a HORRIBLE singer. well, not overly horrible... But, not going to lie, i used to think that my singing was pretty good. not the best, but above average, ya know? However, i now officially think that i am less than mediocre when it comes to singing. I sing flat, quite often. and it's just bone shattering(i don't even think that's a phrase). i literally CRINGED while listening. it was awfully embarassing.

So now i'm dreading the actual performance. especially because i have the melody. and melody's supposed to be the loudest of course. boo. and i really don't want my voice to screw up the song and etc.

just thinking about performing is making me nauseous.(yes, i'm being melodramatic). but honestly. it's a recipe for disaster.

1.not being confident of my singing, while having to sing the loudest

2.not being able to sing very loud

3.me being flat

4.awkward kareoke soundtrack of norah jones instead of someone playing it for us

5. long instrumental interlude

6. just plain AWKWARD.

no bueno. not extremely excited. but i mean, i guess as a performer, i gotta suck it up and make it work, yeah? (tim gunn reference). hopefully things will all turn out well.

I just realized, this is a pretty long "downer-esque" blog post. boo.

not diggin' it.

Sorry folks. hopefully a more interesting post sometime soon.

Love,

Heather

Photocredit:
1.pvconcours.com, is this car INSANE or what?
2.prettyfoods they say that the way to a person's heart is through his/her stomach. i concur(:
3.prettyfoods. I found this incredible. how did they make it in that shape?? molds..?

Goodnight Moon

WOW. if you havn't seen the moon tonight, you're definitely missing out.
IT'S A HUGE HALO and if you look really close at the halo, it's a RAINBOW. it's simply breathtaking and so increadibly perplexing at the same time. for those of you who are missing it. here's a picture i found on the internet of not the one tonight but another one.
So, i was EXTREMELY confused and curious of how this happens, and luckily, my friend sent me a passage from google:
moon halos are caused by tiny ice crystals that have gathered twenty thousand feet above the ground, as thin, wispy clouds. These clouds are so thin, you might not notice them at night, if it weren’t for their effect on the moonlight. Incoming light rays from the moon are bent, or diffracted, by these ice crystals at an angle of 22 degrees. This means that in addition to the direct moonlight, you will also see diffracted moonlight in a circle 22 degrees away from the moon. This is about the distance of your fist, held at arm’s length. Like a rainbow, this halo can even be slightly colored; red on the inside, and blue on the outside.

so, just for you guys who were curious.

I think that this year has been a large sky year.
I didn't realize the extent of how amazing the sky could be until this year, i think. Often, I enjoy the sky, but this year has just been MAGNIFICENT. from meteor showers, to AMAZING sunrises and sunsets to this moon halo.
I'm simply speechless at God's amazing works and am constantly reminded that He's there. He's working his wonders in everything.

just a HADTO blog sort of subject.

love,
Heather

Yawn

Indulgences: icecream.(: polishing off that last bit of cookies and cream, plus some peanutbutter cup action, mini chocomint sandwiches, coffee haagendaz. (i was not joking when i said INDULGED.), a LOONGG drive to/from sandiego/carlsbad for a friend, running through the rain even though i had an umbrella, looking at fashionblogs, sitting in car trunks, recording ridiculous fb videos, washing my car in the rain, reading a buncha magazines, staying up ridiculously late MAKING CUPCAKE POPS. yay!,
Looking for: MY PARIS NECKLACE. WHERE. ARE. YOU. I MISSYOU., new clothes+a way to reinvent things i already got.
Listening to: friends on youtube, In Christ Alone, Moving Out, the quietness of just me and my thoughts while driving, DJ Earworm - United State of Pop 2009 (Blame It on the Pop), this (seen on friend's blog)
Love: actually getting some work done, project runway!, singing with friends, singing wildly and stupidly with friends in a car, looklet.com,
Desire: Rodarte crepe slip dress in either coral or black. IT'S FINALLY BACK IN STORES AFTER BEING SOLD OUT FOREVER. YESSS. THANKYOUUU.; possibly the rodarte leopard lace dress(inlove withthe bows in back), more wisdom, decisiveness, more individuality, less skepticism, SHOPPING, fashionable clothes, makeup/hair do-ing skills, doing unseen/unknown good deeds, new wardrobe for europe/college/the rest of senior year, to be a food connoisseur
Things want to do: Jason mraz concert?, vintage fashion expo?, world expo, LA street food fest, cupcake challenge, rose bowl flea market, the two remaining days of culture vulture, cook con amigos, some sorta vaca/roadtrip/funfilled 4 daypreidents weekend

NewYear'sResolution.
Yeah, I definitely failed. I think my newyear'sresolution will be to make realistic monthly/bimonthly goals to fulfill. probably starting February.
I'm thinking that February goal(s) will be 1.go to the gym at least once a week. 2.don't be later than 5 minutes late to hoeger's class/only be late once a week at most.

short vent.
check your sources. get your facts straight. don't judge based on what you hear. it drives me nuts when people believe 100% in the things they hear. ferreal.
Also: in disbelief that people ACTUALLY strategically scheme things out in their minds.

SECOND SEMESTER SENIOR YEAR. hello! Everyone's overly extremely excited and pumped! but, to be honest? i don't really feel any difference, nor think it's gna be THAT monumentally different. but WHOKNOWS.

So, at the moment. i'm reading an allure magazine. and it has a bunch of little one page articles which are quite interesting : "how to deal with difficult people" "how to rent better movies" "how to buy and serve cheese" the last one, especially caught my eye. the other day i was trying to decide what sort of cheese to put in a crepe, and i realized. i don't really know the taste/any sort of difference between cheeses, except for of course american, pepperjack, and blue. but those are so blazingly obvious that anyone could tell the difference. but i was really sad because i really want to be one of those food connisseurs that can taste what's in a dish and pick out everything. know what i'm saying? and then once you can taste every single ingredient, spice, herb, etc, and how it's all different or similar.. then you can taste it together in various combinations, and how each flavor contributes to the other and it all just becomes A SYMPHONY OF FLAVOR.
and it would also help in the learning to cook- process. (:

i am. so. CRAZY. EXCITED. OUT OF MY MIND. PEE IN MY PANTS. ECSTATIC for europe.
hi second semester, i'm going to be spending lots of time scrutinizing my sister's travel books, and researching the web, and just overall preparing for my trip. i want to go to europe with knowledge of things already and knowing DUDE THAT'S ____ AND IT __ AND ___. i just want to absorb as much of it's culture as i can while i'm over there. *sigh

I want to go shopping so incredibly badly. But, i'm uncertain what I want to buy. I realize that my closet has really random stuff. it also mainly consists of just a buncha boring t-shirts, and i'm not really in LOVE with anything. i want new clothes oh so badly. ESPECIALLY for europe, everyone in europe is so insanely fashionable, and i don't wanna go there with ugly clothes, nor do i want to enter college with ugly clothes. just sayin.
So, I'm pretty sure that I'm going against what i wrote in the last post about being less fashion obsessed. I'm PRETTY sure I let it consume me again. :[ hm. thinkathinkathink. i'm still unsure what to do about it.

God is truly insanely amazing and can do ANYTHING.
So, this might sound super stupid and insignificant, but MAN OH MAN. yesterday, I came home and randomly decided, i think i'm going to pray and read the bible. So, I did, then i took a LONG nap and woke up. went online, checked grades. WOAH. PAUSE. I CHECKED MY GRADES. AND WHAT I CAME TO FIND WAS THAT I HAD A 80 PERCENT IN CALC. what's so incredibly amazing about this is that i had a 66 percent before the final and such. A 66!! and based on the curve, i was pretty sure i was in the C/F range for the curve on the final. BUT. i got a b on the final! HOW IN THE WORLD. I'm positive that i guessed on over half the questions.. and there's just NO way that my grade could've raised that much. I really do think that it's because God had so much mercy on me. I know that i don't deserve this grade nor treatment from God, but for some reason, He knew how worried I was, and granted me this blessing. thank you.

wow this entry is not very interesting...and yet INCREDIBLY long.
so just now i was trying to think of what to write that would be atleast a TAD mind stimulating, a BIT interesting, or even a SMIDGE profound. and i came up with nothing. i've concluded that i truly think that i'm an extremely uninteresting person. LOl. seriously. I think i need to go experience more, read more, ____more, and just be more interesting. yup.(:

So, yesterday i went to lunch with my family and grandparents. and i noticed that my grandmother was wearing this leather vest. and i really really want it. funny, ey? isn't it weird that you take like grandma clothing and put it on a young person, and it instantly turns hipster. But.. on a old person it's just.. *shrug whatever? so that got me thinking, this is the prime age to be experimenting with clothes and fashion. cause when you're old, it doesn't really matter what you wear, it all just looks blah.

i like to read my old blog posts. lots of times, i read back and think "what . in. the. world!?". it's quite amusing seeing my ups and downs, my random blabbing, and how i don't make ANY sense at all, etc. Also, I realized that one single post is usually a compilation of MULTIPLE days/weeks,. I always seem to start a post, then liek save it and go back to it later then continue, stop, continue, then finally SOMETIME, post it.
REMINDER TO SELF IF I EVER READ THIS IN THE WAYY FUTURE. MAKE A WISH ON 11:11 11/11/11. (:

k, i'ma end this here cause it's just RIDICULOUSLY long, and I don't even think i'd read it. lol.
au revoir!
Heather

photocredit: yahoo images?, lifetime.com (CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT'S A POTATO SACK? ME NEITHER.)

A New Beginning

Indulgences: watching foodnetwork nonstop, looking at EVERY page of pretty foods(seriously. every. page.), eating rice(even though i'm not supposed to)
Looking for: my beloved "paris" necklace, a strong sense of myself
Love: this feeling, churchkids bonding, foodnetwork shows, travel channel, fineliving, interesting sermons, amazing mornings,
Desire: more discipline to exercise and get to things ontime, more understanding of God, more faith, harmonizing skills

HELLOOOO LOVELY BLOG.
SO. WOW. i feel like it's been a LONG time.
THINGS I WANT TO DISCUSS.
1.Church camp
2.New year
3.Wisdom teeth
4.First day back from school
5.Whatever comes to mind

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
SO. NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS. EVERY YEAR, i consistently make 1908u32409830341 goals and forget them INSTANTLY. So for this year, one of my resolutions is to actually follow through with at LEAST ONEEEEEE of my goals. These goals are to be determined later. By AT LEAST the end of this week. yes. (:
Wow, it's a new year. a new DECADE. Thinking over this past year has been quite a challenging task. I see many strugglings, difficulties, and darkish times. Although I do feel this way, I think the best thing for me to do is to look back and think of all the things that I am really thankful for, instead. A challenging task, but also one needed.

WISDOM TEETH. OUT. the lack of food is driving me insane. I just weighed myself today, and i weighed in at around 108. and this was AFTER i ate some food. before when i used to weigh myself i was around 112 ish. what the ridiculo. Once I can eat again, I will most likely definitely be gaining back that weight (and then some) in a blink. I think that may be the reason for my overbearing fatigue lately. Also the wisdom teeth are causing slight migraines. bleh. But i'm so thankful to the Lord that I didn't have much/any actual PAIN pain after the operation. thankyouthankyouthankyou.

Church camp. So, Before, i was EXTREMELY reluctant to go. but while there, i guess I really should've putten MORE effort into everything. But, i still reaped benefits. Usually when I go to church camp, i come back SO SPIRITUALLY high, and CRASH within a couple of days. But this time however, I think God made sure that I wasn't 100% recharged because He's trying to tell me that to reach that point, i truly need to spiritually cultivate at home. I do, though, slowly feel God's spirit subtly working within me. I feel so much more sensitive to things I say and do, and things that others say/do. (but often times, i do the wrong action and realize after. boo.) But yeah, I feel a lot better off now rather than before. But even though I feel more spiritual now, I feel so incredibly incompetent compared to others and ehh. I don't know. oh well. Trying to read the bible every morning so that God's word is floating around in my mind as my day goes, but it's quite difficult since I keep waking up SUPER late each day and already feel SUPER rushed AND end up being REALLY late to zero. bagh.
Today I was thinking about how God wants us to shine like stars and to have others see Jesus Christ in us. I consistently have troubles with this. Not only was i discouraged because of the occasional "Oh, I didn't know you were religious" comment, but also because of my lack of comprehension. What is it that's going to seperate me from others? What will it be that will make people go, wow. this girl is different from everyone else because of God? And to be honest, I think a large reason for my struggle with this, is that i don't really see this characteristic in others either. Everyone seems so similar. We all talk about the same things, indulge in the same things, etc. Because I feel like God wants me to be someone where... when a person meets me, they instantly can tell that I am different from others. ya know? Still tossing this around in my mind.

So, Monday morning rolls around. And I pull out of my garage and i see the most majestic sky i've seen ever. It was.. magical. Along the entire ride to school, i simply relished in God's wondrous works and i felt like i was in a magical world. Sadly, I didn't take a picture. but i became ECSTATIC when i saw that erika castillo posted pictures. thank youu. First day back from school was pretty unexciting. I felt really disconnected from friends since i've been like mia all winter break. But I guess i'm now slowly connecting again. It still feels pretty weird though.

I'm REALLY disliking the construction on Hawthorne... and how they like stripped down the road. when i drive over it, i simply cringe. it's like nails on a chalkboard. Driving over that unsmoothed bumpy gravel, it feels like i'm completely destroying my car/tires.

I'm absolutely DYING to try to make those cute cupcake pops. they're SO ADORABLE!

So, I've been reflecting on my fashion obsession. part of me thinks like, eeh it's alll good i like clothes, so what? But when i think about it, it probably really does harm my relationship with God. I constantly want more money to get more clothes, and iono it distracts my mind. I've been really struggling with trying to not care of my appearance and of fashion. But i've been feeling SO incredibly gross and hideous lately with ugly clothes and no makeup. But it's overwhelmingly difficult. And i'm unsure if i should find a happy medium, or completely get rid of it, i'm mainly uncertain because i don't think i'm capable of finding this happy medium. this one's gna need a LOTTTTTT of prayer.
Also, speaking of issues that are going to require a lot of prayer. family. my mom's side of the family to be specific. I have HUGE issues with them. It's come to the point where i'm pretty sure i don't even love them, or maybe even despise them. "...anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgement. Again, anyone who says to his brother, Raca (aramaic term of contempt), is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell." Jesus Christ has made the sin of hate just as severe and equivalence to the sin of murder. And it's really difficult for my mind to wrap around the fact that I need to love my mother's side of the family, despite their nature.

So today had a more communicative talk with father. Thank you God, for you truly do listen to my prayers. When I thought that there was no hope for our relationship, you show me a small spark that promises hope for us.

I've been thinking, and I wished my purpose for things were for God. I wished I didn't want to pierce my ears or get tattos because God doesn't want me to change, alter, or pierce my body in any form(not because I just havn't/don't see the point). I wish I didn't want to smoke, do drugs, drink because for God I should be holy, seperated(not because i think it's stupid and gross). etc...

Alrighty, well, that's all for now. next post will be by the end of the week with resolutions posted(so that i can reread them and remind myself to follow through) (:
Au revoir,
Heather.

photocredit: Erika Castillo, bakerella.com