Ethnics.

Ohai David! Pretty good quality for an Iphone (i guess)

Indulgences: not exercising weekly like I promised ><, FINALLY making THE BRACELETS :D, dressed up dinner and white elephant w/ the Rfriends, eating out a lot, finally hitting the gym..once (and then getting sick), eating a bunch of cough drops, finally having that lunch that I said I'd have w/ angie, meeting a new family member, rummikub/marioparty/cookies/milkshakes night, making chicken soup, watching the voice, not studying for my ethnic studies midterm(tomorrow) this second, searching for new music,
Desire: a break from the midterms/papers, a better sense of myself, creativity, well-roundedness, inspiration, to see canyon court (cause they look SO FREAKIN CUTE.), additions to my wardrobe (and money to support it), more time to work on hobbies, better grammar, sophistication, more will to do things, to be able to capture images in my mind and print them out JUST HOW I WANT, to experience something truly breathtaking (as in literally skipping an inhale out of amazement), to reconnect with people/friends, REALLY CHEWY fresh asian noodles, malaysian food, indian food, really good food(basically)
Listening to: Of Monsters and Men: Little Talks, Walk Off the Earth: Somebody that I Used to Know (cover), Cillia Jane, Oh Land: Sun of a Gun(Jacob Plant Remix), Laura Marling: Goodbye England, and lots other newly good found songs. :D
Love: my thursday break (sitting on the arts building, listening to music, reading a book, relaxing, thinking, people watching, and secretly feeling incredibly cool for looking like a chass kid), little things that cheer you up, new recipes that spark interest, tackling lists (and making them), the (good kind of ) unexpected, when someone trusts you with a secret/knowing any kind of secret, Etiquette for a Lady,
Random Thoughts: it makes me feel awkward when people say things like "i popped my ____ cherry" and "i'm a ____ virgin" (insert some sort of action, place, food, or whatever else), I need a FB break but probably won't, I've been judgmental lately, my backpack being caught in that girl's hair was probably one of the most embarrassing moments in my life, i feel like that one street corner is cursed with bees (and it freaks me out to cross there), I am REALLY afraid and nervous for my midterm (yet can't get myself to study for it), i'm wondering what he was thinking when i told him,

BY THE WAY: This post is all over the place.

I feel that since people are so dependent on technology, we miss out on opportunities that could have been.  Here are some examples.  Walking to class: texting/listening to music, I could have missed out on hearing someone/seeing someone pass by that I knew to stop for a chat.  Waiting for class to start: texting/playing a game/listening to music; instead I could have met someone new and struck up a conversation with someone.  Sitting at home: go on the internet, watch tv; instead, I could have walked to a friend's apartment to chat, or done something actually productive.

Dear Henry/Hector/H...,

I know that I'll never see you again and never have the chance to apologize.  But, I'm sorry.  I truely am flattered at your compliment and your attempt to introduce yourself.  I am in shock of my reaction and behavior towards you.  I didn't register that you said you wanted to be friends after I had already begun walking away.  I do not want to be perceived as one of those girls, ...ever.   And by "one of those girls" I mean to say one of those girls that are think they're attractive and belittle others who are not; the ones who get boyfriends and never talk other people and shut down anyone who tries; the ones that are pretty much snobbish.  But then again, I'm stereotyping, and judging... so maybe I DO have "one of those girls" characteristics.  Once again, I'm sorry.  Especially sorry for my awkwardness.  I don't take compliments very gracefully.

Sincerely,

That one girl you saw walking.

SO.  Something that my ethnic studies professor and TA brought up has been itching at me for a while.
They convey this anger and resentment towards children's education for the way history is taught.  They all resent the Columbus story of discovery.  She (TA) resents be "indoctrinated" with the pledge of allegiance.  Learning about history as a child is now "indoctrination" as if we were brainwashed.  In a sense, I can understand their beliefs and why they have come to these conclusions.  However, if I realistically thought about the types of historical facts that they wanted us to know as children, I would be outraged.  I understand that they believe that not knowing these negative facts about the US putting loads of people in genocidal situations is considered ignorant and naive.  However, Would they REALLY want their 10 year old daughter knowing these things too?  I feel as if the world is already filled with so many negative things, that is it really that bad to hold off on some negativity until people have aged?  Imagine the sorts of consequences of telling children these facts when they're so young.  What twisted souls would result!!  I was sitting on the arts building during my class gap and there were these two girl scouts running up and down the building, surrounding me.  At that moment, it was one of those times in which I wished SO BADLY to be able to capture a moment with my eyes and to have it kept forever.  Because their innocence seemed so pure and unattainable to me.  And I wouldn't want to ruin that sort of innocence in a child for any reason, not even to factually educate them about US's true history.

So, at the moment I've found myself taking classes in which I was unexpected at the material that's actually presented in lecture as compared to the material in which I thought I would be learning.  First, History was a minor deviation from my expectation: is concentrated only on the political and military aspects.  I for one, am not really interested in those two sections but rather find more interest in social and artistic aspects in history.  So it was a bit difficult to suck it up and continue on with the course.  Secondly,  "Intro to Architecture and Urbanism" definitely caught my eye because I am fascinated by buildings, architecture, and design in general.  So i thought the class would be a sort of introduction to the architecture field.  Learning small aspects of architecture and the such.  Instead, I've found myself stuck in a class that is focused on suburbia through the entire quarter.  The SUBURBIA, which to be honest, to me, seems like one of the least interesting topics that I could study.  But, there are those sparks of interest (FEW may I add) that occur here and there, during lecture.  Third, in which I am least disappointed, is in Ethnic Studies.  I fantasized about this interesting course of learning different aspects of different cultures and learning the mind sets and ins and outs of different ethnic groups.  A celebration of diversity (in which the united states boasts about today).  Instead, I find myself in a course which bashes the history of America and reveals the raw and graphic vulnerable ages of the minorities.  I am appreciative that the university finds it important to ensure that students are not ignorant of America's past (and present) mistakes, however, I feel that this course's concentration doesn't lead its students in any better direction.  I found that since taking this course, I have also conjured up feelings of angst/anger towards groups of people because they have wronged another group.  I find this counterproductive to the goal that I feel ethnic studies should try to achieve.  I feel that ethnic studies should try to create a society in which people are more accepting other ethnicities, which is created by the acknowledgement of differences of cultures.  However, this knowledge of differences should be presented in a positive manner, in which students would be shown that its okay to be a deviation from the modern day "acceptable" white behavior, and better yet, differences should be celebrated.  Instead, I feel as if ethnic studies not only creates negative mind sets, but also creates a slight amount of fear of being different, because we are shown countless cases of how people were brutally prejudiced, killed, and raped because of their difference.
...I wonder how I'll perceive my rant, later on in life if I choose to take the time to actually reread it.

That's it for now!
Sincerely,
That one girl from that one place from that one time.

Him

Dear You,

I havn't forgotten You yet, I promise.  I know that it seems that I have.   I know we havn't spoken in quite a while.  But often times when I don't know where to turn to, I still think of You.   When I feel afraid, I still secretly trust and hope in You.  I know that I don't deserve You, but one day I'll try.   One day, I'll try again for You.  I'll love You, not as much as You love me, but I'll still try my best.  Don't lose hope in me just yet please. If You do, I'm afraid I'll lose hope too.

From,
Me.

Closed

NOT NYE fireworks. TRICKED YA!

So, I wanted to write a reflection post of my past year, seeing that it was recently New Year's Day.
The problem with this is that I have a terrible memory and a year is a VERY long time span of memories to recall on. But I'll try my best. (:

2011.
That was the year I got my DLSR (or... started using it)
That was the year I realized who I would most likely try to keep in touch with.
That was the year that I had to get accustomed to my sister and mother living in northern California and pretty much splitting my family in half. (and missed them a bunch and realized how my family is balanced by each member)
That was the year that I met Eric and obliviously went on our first date.
That was the year that my life was filled with a bunch of other guy drama and being ninja'd on a different date. (which was not very enjoyable.)
That was the year that I was still uncertain about.. many things. (typical.)
That was the year that I found out Paik had a boyfriend.
That was the year that I spent a lot of time with Riverside friends and planned a bunch of birthday gatherings and such.
That was the year I started breaking out like crazy.
That was the year that I transitioned from being a kindergarten teacher's helper at church to a non-church attender. (Because of re-evaluation, laziness, uncertainty, and fear.)
That was the year that owned my butt in grades and proved to myself that some things never change. (and if I don't start making a conscious effort in school, I WON'T get by.)
That was the year I got to see Wong Fu and Clara Chung at school.
That was the year that I felt as if I started to become more mean and less true to myself.
That was the year that I first went to a drive in movie theater.
That was the year that I heard about Mike.
That was the year that I went camping in a LONG, long time.
That was the year that I saw the Voice's finale. live.
That was the year that I got a job at Old Navy.  And realized that working retail sucks.
That was the year that I spent a lot of time with my sister during summer.
That was the year I had that nice night with Kris and we talked about the past.
That was the year of the letter.
That was the year where I was more blunt to myself.
That was the year when I moved into my first apartment with Bianca.
That was the year when I learned about my cleaning OCD tendencies.
That was the year when I started to feel even farther away from riverside friends than before.
That was the year where I realized that riverside COULD get even MORE boring (and lonely) than during my first year of college.
That was the year that I was humbled by not making it into the acapella (and not even making through to the second rounds)
That was the year of 11/11/11 11:11 and how it made me reminisce of when I was younger and talked about how amazing that moment would be.  And the realization of knowing that it's a minute, just like every other minute, and it really didn't matter. especially in the way I thought it would have.
That was the year that I realized how difficult it is to cook all of the time and grocery shop, etc.
That was the year that I realized I don't want a large house in the future because it's difficult to maintain.
That was the year I decided to join Precision for Vision, an optometry club, and hopefully pursue a career in optometry.
That was the year I made an idiot mistake of letting a stranger into my apartment and realized that maybe being TOO nice CAN be a bad thing.
That was the year that I decided to be official with Eric.
That was the year I learned more about myself.
That was the year when I first tried ethiopian food.
That was the year where I tried to be less passive and more communicative.


This is the year where I will continue to grow.

New Year's Resolutions:
(because it's one of those traditional formalities.)
1. Feel like I've really tried at something
2. Improve at one of my many wanted skills
3. Don't give up on Him.
4. Self-reflect and act on it!
5. Even if I don't accomplish these, at least keep them in mind during the year.

Sincerely,
Me.

Red Cup Season, Oh how you get me every year...

Adding homey touches to the apt.(:

Indulgences: doing nothing way too much, blogging right now instead of studying for finals coming up, hiking to the C!, listening to songs on repeat, getting drinks for starbucks just for the red cup thrill, late nights, too much himym, staying in bed extra long just so i can still be warm under the sheets, decorating the apt in holiday, receiving the europe journal and readingg through it and laughing WAYY to hard.
Desire: shopping, new clothes, nailpolish, long hair to play with, makeup skills, shoes, more time efficiency so i can clean, study, experiment, bake, cook, read, learn new things, etc., straight bangs (and for them to look gooood), for my chunky necklace to reappear, an A in my classes, more adventures, friends that want to go on adventures/do stuff, for that warm tingly feeling, disneyland trip with all the holiday decorations!, SPARKLY THINGS (sparkly skirt, cardigan, shoes), doing cutesy holiday stuff, cute hand heat packs
Listening to: Jason Mraz: All I Want for Christmas is Us, David Barnes: Christmas tonight (both from tanya)
Love: chunky sweaters. SO MUCH., hair in buns, starbucks red cups, how when you flip the rubber part of headphones it looks like a hairdryer, my apt (kind of more than my actual house...strangely), the air freshener smell of apple cinnamon (basically THE HOLIDAY SMELL :D), biscotti, when strangers compliment you, warm drinks

Hiked to the C today and for some reason, while I was going up there, I had one of those surreal woah-moments. Where all of a sudden you realize that it's quiet.  And not just quiet,... but extremely silent. Not the kind of lonely apartment-silence, not the awkward when no one's talking-silence, not the everyone's panicky about a exam-silence, not even the everyone's just THAT tired from something-silence.  The kind of peaceful silence that I didn't realize that I missed so dearly until it hit me while  looking out onto the city.

So, I realized that I have less pity for people who are more selfish/mean/etc.  Part of me thinks that it's okay for me to feel this way, because it's only natural, right?  But part of me thinks.. is it wrong?
A selfish person who grows up less fortunate deserves the same amount of concern as the nice person who grows up less fortunate, right?  Because in each case, the "less fortunate" part is the concern driving factor and the other factors should be ceteris paribus.
*shrug. still tossing this idea around in my mind.

That's it for now.

Adieu!!

Typical

I want to get lost here forever.

Indulgences: saw Lily Elise from "the voice" at ikea, spending money on fooddd, being honest with my opinions(sometimes), pizookie, watching too many movies this summer, wasting my life away at home, not keeping my promises to myself, listening to coffee break french on my way to work

Desir: an amazing apartment without the stress of making it one, the virtue of hard work, the feeling of accomplishment, confidence, blind faith, more honestly good people, more conservativeness, perfect grammar, eloquence, better manners, less typical activities, for acne to go away, more nail polish, the ability to make the long wavy bob, less complaining, more skills and hobbies, for next year to go greatly, to complete diy projects, maturity

Ecouter: Let go by Frou Frou, Runaway Baby by bruno mars, Heavy in your Arms by Florence and the Machine, Wonderful World by James Morrison, Who You Are by Jessie J, Skin and Bones by David Roch

Amour: unwinding at night to a nice cup of tea; driving while the windows are down w/ wind through my hair, blasting soothing music, singing, feeling the wind push back on my hand and smelling the fresh air of pv; how the night makes everything better, how when you hang out with people at night (in comparison to day) that you get more raw emotions and real talks, dinner etiquette, really satisfying hugs, closure, midnight in Paris, diy projects, levitating girl,

I realized that the etiquette of Americans is getting more and more atrocious.  I remember I was sitting somewhere and was craving something sweet.  And I saw a couple eating ice cream together and was just sort of.. repulsed?  It definitely killed my craving.  But i mean, I totally understand, eating can be a gross looking thing. I myself look hideous while eating. it's just the WAY, though, that they were eating that made it seem.. displeasing. When i sit in restaurants nowadays, i notice myself people watching. (esp with my sister b/c she's a HUGE people watcher). I must admit, sometimes (a lot of times) I'm at fault for these too. but i notice how absolutely NO one is sitting up straight. the straightest i saw anyone sitting was from a LITTLE GIRL.  Another thing that slightly irritates me: when people don't use knives.  I must admit, sometimes I'm at fault for this one too. There's a piece of chicken that's too big to fit into your mouth. you're too lazy and just resolve to trying to cut it with the edge of your fork or just stab the entire thing and take bites into it.  I'm not sure why but these just kind if err me now.  ESP the former action.  I feel that Americans in general are just incredibly... American. and it's definitely a bad thing if you can name a type of person and you think of terrible associations.
whenever people think of Americans, they think of: obese, bad mannered, uncultured, unintelligent, ignorant, lazy people.
ehh.

I feel as if i belong to a different time/era.  I saw midnight in Paris a bit recently ish and feel similar to the main character.  Wishing of being in a different time and in a different place.  Although I realize that the end result is that people will always be wishing to be in a different time/place and instead we should be content and make the best of what's in front of us; I can't help but still dream of something different.  I'm not sure when or where exactly, but just not here nor now.

that's it for now.
Adeiu,
Heather

Seuls

Indulgences: making lists(too many), pushing things to the very corners of my mind, spending all my money on food, slacking on my productive list of todos, not fixing my posture like I want to, lots of bloglovinn, sytycd watchin, finishing the past two antm seasons, finishing gilmore girl seasons :(, project runway, thinking a little too much, BUMMING, melon bars, buying a SUPER CUTE apron, keeping a rough list of how much i spend & on what, catching up with old friends, being a little more honest/open about myself.

Désir: retail therapy, new wardrobe, learn french, cook/bake, exercise, an amazing apartment, Seafolly English Rose Bustier Bikini Top + matching bikini skirt, a super wicked one piece, peter pan collared anything, chambray shirt, jean jacket/vest, more sophisticated looking clothes, black wedges, heels+the tolerance to wear them, feather hair extension, scallop hemmed shorts, tall socks, combat boots, fingerless leather gloves, camel-toned anything, acne to go away!!, "New Girl" to start, sophisticated speech, pixie cut/something drastic, reading the classics, listen to more classical music, to meet someone (around my age) TRUELY classy.

Écouter: Blogotheque-- oh how i love you. various songs(a lot from sytycd routines), The Lonely by Christina Perri, Xenia from "the voice" (i'm obsessed w/ her cool tone)

Amour: making lists(i am ADDICTED.), how sometimes in the sun my hair naturally turns a little reddish/brownish, polyvore, this entry (& all of thought catalog), this series: move, eat, learn (watch them, AMAZING. To the man in all of these videos: i don't know you, but I already kind of love you.) (;, that i'm going to be getting crazy discounts at ON, BR and Gap, love being able to love and care for people, the feeling of crossing things off lists

Choses sur moi: I really don't like when people don't push in their chairs, I romanticize ideas in my head, I'm quite timid, I hate when I'm forced to act fake/happier than normal, i have a naturally "pissed off" looking face, my life is on slow-motion compared to other's, i don't like parties b/c they don't seem classy, I like class and sophistication, I break under pressure

I realized that I have too many desires/goals/things I want to get accomplished and achieve at. I have a long LONG list of skills I want to acquire that consist of learning french, learning japanese, playing guitar, flute, and piano, cook amazingly, sew clothes and such, exercising, great photography skills, sing amazing, be incredibly stylish, and be able to model a little. But i swear, my list continues to grow and grow each second, and I feel like with all of these things I want to achieve, I get overwhelmed and pursue none. Instead I've gained NO progress throughout these years of having the SAME goals and I NEED to change/start. I have yet to figure out a way to actually work on achieving these goals but what I'm thinking of is to concentrate on 2-3 goals per year until i've gained comfortability with them (and from there add on another 2-3 goals). BUT. most likely I'll probably be the same and keep having these skill goals that I never master. Frustrating.

Quelquefois, I think it's nice to be disconnected. Or, at least, it's a romantic idea. No phone, no internet, nothing. Just you being you, in the world without having to tell everyone your every single action, without having to know other's every thought, without having to be texting/ communicating 24/7. Isn't it a tad appealing to think about how in the past, there weren't social networks? So when you lost touch with someone, you REALLY do lose touch. And if you want to reconnect with someone, you/the other person would actually have to WORK to catch up? (instead of a click of a button, a couple of jabs at the keyboard, and DONE.) I feel that online social networks have killed, or at least weakened the value, effort, and intention of friendship. I like knowing that someone actually wants to put the effort to stay in touch with me despite the easy convenience of a quick fb wall message.

Another post soon (within 1day-2months). I think I already know what I want to write about.(:

Adieu et Bonne Nuit!

Heather

ps. i need to start practicing french somehow

pps. about photo: SUP UMAMI?! MY SISTER AND I CAN MAKE A BURGER W/ AN AWESOME CHEESE CRISP TOO!

Light Bulb!

Indulgences: hours of tetris, extravagant in n out order, sleeping in, skipping classes, not studying, real/personal talks: "i'm a freaking walking cliche.", too much gaming (n64 style), grabbing a bunch load of stuff from scottys, not exercising(even though i told myself i would), playing with paperclips(making them into rings), WONG FU VISIT, hiking to the c, intense egg hunt, looking at tumblrs, listening to learning-french cds

Desire: the motivation to study more, inspiration, productivity, for my laziness to disappear, diligence, new shoes, creativity/designing eye, to do similar weird projects/activities like wreckless, to do more(concerting, art gallerying, cooking, adventuring,...anything),

Listening to: You & me- diamond rings

Love: love letters[read the explanation] (:, design of all sorts (interior, product, fashion.), traveling/ foreign places, the romance about things european, deep thinking, fake sad/pouty faces, those moments/conversations that make you laugh so hard that you can hardly breathe, the simpler things in life, belongings [click on object, read, click next, click picture, read.] (:, Pratt,

So I was thinking about ideas...

And I realized that once someone has an idea, he/she usually tends to get overly caught up in it.

Whether it be while having a conversation: one person is talking, but the other person is so incredibly caught up in their idea/what he's going to say that he doesn't pay attention to what the other person is saying.

or if someone has an idea they created and gets so excited about it, that they don't really think about the idea thoroughly, to realize that MAYBE it's not THAT great of an idea.

or someone liking a person for the idea of them. either someone liking the person just because he/she's there. or liking a person for who he/she THINKS they are.

all examples of how getting too caught up in an idea is harmful.

funny, huh? I would think: an idea. plain and simple: getting ideas are great!

But, sometimes, that's not just it, it's how you use that idea and how you consider it that makes it positive or negative.

...if that makes any sense.

So, the other day I was getting my car washed at a gas station with my pops. Ya know, the typical--pay and you drive into the big machine-- one and it spits out soap, water, and the works for ya. ...yeah?

So, while we're in the car wash, we see this guy peeping his head into the car wash facility and my dad goes "oh, that guy probably wants to make some money". And at first, my first instinct is.. "oh, okay another person begging for money... probably not gna look at him and drive away". But, my dad hands me a dollar and says "after we're done, drive up and give this to him, at least he's working and trying to make an honest living". It didn't even occur to me that the man wanted to dry the cars that passed through the machine to earn some change.

So, my car is just about to be done, and i realize that i screwed up with the driving-through-the-air-dryer part. (the entire back side of my car is pretty much wet). So I figure, hey, I might as well have the man dry my car. So the man tells us to pull over and he starts drying my car. To my amazement, not only does he dry my car; he cleans the little gutter part under the window and windexes my windows and rear view mirrors too. I'm watching this guy clean my car, and for some reason, i'm incredibly touched. I'm amazed at his diligence of taking little details into account. I mean, I would've been fine with giving him some money if he just slapped a towel around my car to wipe it down...But this man was taking his care and massive amount of time(as other potential customers drove past), to clean my car. Even to the point of using his fingernails to scratch off the little specks that remained on my front window. As he's cleaning my car, my dad hands me another dollar, and i contribute my own dollar. A total of 3 dollars.

I wanted to give him as much as 10, but I didn't have any more money. I have incredible admiration for this man who worked so hard for 3 measly dollars.

What touched me even more, was that when I drove up, he didn't attack my car or anything, to trick me into paying him; he kindly asked and directed me to the side. Also, when I gave him the money, he didn't even so much as glance at his hand to see how much he made. He simply looked me in the eyes and said thank you so much, please come back to this gas station to let me dry your car again.

Sometimes admiration can be found in high positioned people or the powerful...but sometimes, it can be found in the honest, hardworking man struggling for money at the gas station.

that's it for now.

au revoir,

Heather.

picture: i love wong fu productions. ted's my fave. I really enjoyed their panel, actually. it gave you insight on how their minds worked. And I was pleasantly surprised.