Lost?

Indulgences: staying up all night on gummy bears, cheese crisps, baked ravioli, staying up way too late, slr-ing, celebrating a million birthdays, winco runs, fooding, over-thinking things, wishing for too much

Desire: less drama, more hobbies, anything new from jess delgado, more days to just sit back and relax, more insight, more time

Love: Pierre Hermes, macarons,

9x-7i>3(3x-7u), good friends, music, paying too much attention to small details, the weird-you read my mind- feeling, inspiration

Listening to: Pomplamoose, ortoPilot, My Terrible Friend, Look at me now(Karmin cover) [AMAZINGNESS] (:

In the mood to sit on the grass at the park while listening to relaxing music and watching the leaves fall from the trees.

picture: via madbaker.net

ps. doesn't this look cute/delicious/lovely? i want it!

Love,

Heather(:

pps. europe. bring me back there, please.

Pitter Patter...

Indulgences: A surprise visit(:, going to cali adventures for free, LA trip, knotts for free, gilmore girls marathon, spending all my money on food(like always), finally signing up for an actual account for lookbook, going to the park in the rain while reminiscing and singing, sitting in the car a little extra long to finish a song and to watch the rain fall down the window,

Listening to: the weepies: gotta have you(and the kina grannis cover of it), iron and wine, tegan and sara, shakira:waka waka(reminds me of europe(: ), Dorothy Hayden's songs(esp. Here I Stay)
Desire: all the things i've desired in the past: basically, things never change.; DBrown riding boots, black combatish boots, black flat oxfords, motorcross jeans,etc., new clothes. To post pictures on lookbook, music collaboration, to be productive,
Love: When i'm coming home and i see that layer of fog that's below(near the ocean) while on top it's clear, and just for a few moments...i feel like I'm not in this world, but in this magical world of bliss.

I visited Hesse park today. It was raining outside, and I was in a romantic mood(not that sort of romantic)... I grabbed my umbrella and headed for that ol' familiar playground that i knew a bit too well. When I got there, it had changed, the construction was finished. I started reminiscing about the times i had on the old playground, and even the times that i snuck out at night and hopped the fence during construction. Swinging on the swings with a pal, staring at my house, making a comment about how the tree over yonder, looked lonely and needed a hug.

But it was all different. My memories didn't coincide with this new playground that I saw. i felt a bit sad, in a way, because i didn't have any memories with this new place. But, I guess this has to change. (:

So, I went along singing away: at the emptiness of the space, at the small little drops that fell from the sky, at the man who was walking his dog and crossed my path. I didn't let anything phase me.. I just kept singing on my way.

That's it for now,

Je T'aime,

Heather

First picture: boo, i couldn't find the pictures that I took of the marine layer of fog that I talk about in my "love" section. When I find a picture/take one, i'll switch it out. picture via palosverdes.com

Second picture: YES PLEASE! via pretty foods.

Oh yeah! A realization about me: I think that I'm a pretty patient person. ish, or more than some, atleast....? BUT. i realized that I'm VERY impatient with people who are not patient. I get extremely annoyed, irritated, and snappy when people are impatient.

kbye(:

Home is where the heart is

Indulgences: going to LA, attending the b here thing, going to hello kitty extravaganza. (:, cooking spam in egg and rice, eating a can of corn, movie, celebrating birthdays, ASAHI. ALL YOU CAN EAT SUSHI. SOO AMAZING., HOME>Love: considerate people, sincere and humble people, my highschool friends, full delirium from eating good food, the cold weather, that my sister would surprise me with a call at like 7 am to tell me that she's in line at best buy for the dslr that i mentioned i wanted but would never stand in line for, little quirks about people, tuxedo sam

Listening to: beautiful people by sam ock, she is love by parachute, pater peccavi, 2 am club, jra:by chance, clara chung:rocketeer cover,

Desire: stationary, to use a-daily thoughts and other random stuff-journal, new cute over the head headphones, a trip to all of these. yes please(:. one of those freaking adorable totoro cream puffs like in the picture, a totoro sofa, a hello kitty apron(don't laugh. but i didn't get it b/c it's a kids medium :[ ), to catch up with all my old friends, to write and send out all the letters that i've been intending to do, gloves, polaroid film, black boots, motivation, to join an acapella/something of the sort.

A bit about me: I generally don't change much, my procrastination screws me over, i LOVE food, i like reminiscing(maybe a little bit too much), i'm passive

photo inspiration:
1. on my building there's a large panel of reflective windows. I want it to be sunset with clouds in the sky with an array of colors in the sky. and take a picture of the panel of windows reflecting the spectrum of colors of the sky.
2. on the engineering building there are these white.. i don't know. up there. it's some sort of architecture design that would look nice if you get the right angle.
3. a line of orange trees that is absolutely adorable picture perfect. right near the barn. (:

So, I randomly went to a performance at UCLA that had joseph vincent, clara chung, kaba modern, quest, etc. they were. amazing! LOOP MACHINES. I LOVE LOOP MACHINES so much. I missed some sort of culture even if it was only watching a singing+dancing performance. it was great (:.

Considerate people like and treat considerate people more kindly. I'm just saying.

Definition of thankful: expressing gratitude and relief

Definition of thank: express gratitude to (someone)

I've come to realize that in my life, I'm very thankful for many things. But although I'm thankful, I noticed that I don't necessarily thank God for things. But i'm simply thankful. This may be a problem.

I overthink things. and question myself. not good.

So, I remember back in the day whenever I saw coffee I would squeal "MMM! COFFEE!" and a friend would tell me constantly how caffeine is the most abused drug. And I would be all sad ish , or not really. but I'd be self-conscious for my like of coffee. But while I was in psychology lecture: my teacher told me about how he had an addiction to coffee: it went to the point where he had 21 cups a day. And that he drank it because he got a buzz, and then built tolerance, and the only way to try to get the buzz was to increase intake. Anyway, in the midst of all this lecturing: i remembered when i became self-conscious for whenever i wanted to drink coffee. But! i realized that I don't enjoy coffee for the caffeine. I think coffee tastes yummy. and smells delicious. I'd drink decaf over caffeinated with no problem. it's like me liking apple juice. i like the taste. so i don't know why, but this put my mind at a bit of an ease. (like closing a chapter-a teeny one). (:

So, I've come to realize that I love where I live. I love how it gets dark dark dark at night and you can see quite a number of stars even though we're in LA. I love how it's naturey and green and hilly. I love that the air feels so clean and crisp and refreshing. I love that at school, even though there were a LOT of asians, we were still pretty diverse and have experiences with other races and arn't oblivious to different cultures. I love that around the area, there's all kinds of different cultured food that's made WELL and is delliccioussss! I love how it's all spaced out with little secret spots. I love that it's super safe. I love how you can go out at whenever time in the late night and walk in the middle of the street, and there probably won't be any cars. I love how there are a million shots of pv that are picturesque and the area in general has awe-inspiring views. I

I hate whenever I think of things to write about and then i forget them.. :[

A break

a break from the reflections.
Indulgences: mcdonalds parfait, snack wrap, softserve, x 3, hugging chubs too much, sleeping way too late, getting a bunch of asian food/bringing it back, take-away shows, pretty foods
Love: crunchy leaves. food blogs, fashion blogs, people/strangers that do unnecessary nice things
A bit about me: i'm girly and yet not at the same time, I like respectful people and people with fabulous manners, i stick up for the underdog
Desire:DSLR, trapper hat, a ribbon bow thing, chunky scarf, cold weather, not dry weather, palos verdes, joining an acapella/singing, getting involved, GOOD FOOD, europe to come back
Listening to: Santogold:creator, some good ol' ingrid, blogotheque take-away shows: this one is AMAZING(it's tegan and sarah singing feel it in my bones. it gives me chills.), to build a home by cinematic orchestra

So a couple days ago, I was walking back from class, and for some reason, I tried to look at my school through a photographer's point of view. I was craving a photoshoot and wanted to take pictures in this empty valley sort of thing next to my dorm. I have it all in my mind already: a girl in indie-esque clothing. clothing that's summery/ spring wear, that's light. preferably a dress that's colored or white. doing some sort of mid-air pose like dancing alone.
Something about the dead plants sparked this image/idea in my mind that it'd be beautiful to contrast the dead field with an incredibly lively subject.
Second shot: there are these green vine arches near the bike rack that I thought would make an adorable couple shoot. Possibly a shot from one side of the arch looking through the arches. with the couple leaning on one side of the arch.
These don't make quite much sense as I describe them, but I have it all in my mind. (:
I want an SLR.

I'm craving culture, inspiration, art, imagination, excitement. I want/need to find a different side of Riverside. I refuse to spend countless weekends here doing nothing, holed up in the dorms constantly saying "so,.. what shall we do now..?" and end up sitting, doing nothing, watching people play computer games. I need adventure or culture. I'm planning on going to see the photography museum sometime soon. Hopefully I'll find someone that's interested in going with me. if not, oh well.. I'm still determined to go.

What do college kids do in their spare time?
I'm REALLY curious. i feel like it's just gaming, partying/drinking, studying, eating, or sleeping.
sigh. :[

the only good thing about Riverside's dry weather: EXTRA CRUNCHY LEAVES. it's so satisfying when you step on a leaf and it crumbles into pieces with that loud CRUNCH. puts a smile on my face. (:

I NEED GOOD FOOD. i didn't realize how many good asian food was near where i lived. not only good asian food: but just good FOOD in general. of different cultures. oohhh how i miss i so much. In need of a trip to LA for good food? yessss indeed.

I just looked through some of my europe pictures again. and oh how i miss it so badly. the perfect amount of adventure, laid back/relaxation, culture, delicious food, friends, activeness, GAH. :[ europe. come back.

I tried to watch babies the other day,... it was awkward. I'm thinking of trying to give it another shot someday. maybe on my own, try to see if i can appreciate the art of the movie, see if I can actually embrace the different cultures between the babies and the cuteness of the babies and not be distracted/appalled at the too revealing nature of the cinematography.
Another movie that I might need to try again: amelie. it was way too graphic in certain scenes, and quite odd in general, but i may need to keep an open mind.

alright, enough random blabbering for the day.
Adieu! and you and you and you!
Love, Heather

Reflection Series-Part 2

Indulgences: Project runway, triangle trip, eclectic collection of music, saying goodbyes to friends, reminiscing on old memories, lots of in depth thinking, making a million and one lists, socializing instead of studying, putting myself out there, trail-blazing up a mountain to the C at night, not buying textbooks

Thinking about: advertisements, childhood, consumerism, raising children. (reminders to talk about in later posts), father's critiques,

Love: garancedore, sartorialist, fashion blogs, making lists, having my mind be expanded, friendly people, the delirious-tired stage, becoming super close with people within a span of a week, chivalry, good mannered/considerate people, LATE CLASSES

A bit about me: i love indie-esque things. also LOVE vintage things. in love with hipster, def wish i was a hipster., in love with the light rose and cream color scheme at the moment, i like romance-and not only in the mushy movie type of way, i'm a huge dreamer, i love trying new things(esp when it comes to food)

Europe:

Europe was amazing. I fell in love with the romance of its culture. I realized while in Europe, that i'm really interested in learning different cultures and customs. I'm fascinated at how different people function, what they believe to be comfortable and natural.

Europe was one of those trips of a lifetime. there isn't another time that i'll be able to get together with 40 or so people who most of which i've seen around for 4 years, but never got to know, go to europe for a month, and share an amazing adventure of novelty with, which instantly grows friendships. Even though it was crazy expensive, its a life memory, and worth it.

Orientation:

Skipping this.

Church camp: in a later post.

Foundation/History:

I've come to find how important it is to know your family history and how interesting it could be. One day while driving back to some place, I was asking my mom about our family. There was so much to take in and to digest. I think that family history is something that each child and their parent should talk about, it not only informs the child of their family, but creates a special bond/moment. History is our foundation/building blocks. Not knowing your own family history is basically to not know who you are, what your background is. I would be incredibly ashamed if my future children asked me about my family's history, and didn't have an answer for them.

I'm excited to learn more.(:

The "grey area"/being both:

I think i've talked about this before. About being part of the world, and trying to be a christian at the same time. It doesn't work out. I'm having a hard time letting this concept go of being favored in both aspects. One aspect that's really killing me: music. I know I shouldn't listen to ANY sort of secular music, even if it doesn't seem "bad" such as indie music, which i love. Incredibly difficult. I'm still confused as to the ratio of world:Godliness that a person can/should be.

Following simple rules:

So, I've been thinking... that I need to start following small rules. Such as driving rules.

Think about it, you know how in church, people don't want to do the small chores, such as cleaning the bathrooms (classic example), but are willing to do larger role things such as teaching, or whatever. But, we have to be able to do the small chores thoroughly and whole heartedly. If we are incapable of taking the small chores seriously, how can God trust us with larger chores/roles?

Similarly with the idea of rules. I don't follow traffic laws. I like to speed and get to places as fast as I can, switching lanes frequently, etc. I need to learn to leave early to ensure that I have enough time to get places on time(a definite problem), and to follow the traffic laws. Know what I was thinking? If I can't even follow silly small WORLDY laws, how will God ever trust me to abide by His laws?

So, I did all of my reflections super short/cliff note version. Or else this would take forever.

More reflections later about the ones briefly mentioned up top.

College:

So, I'm at college right now. I live in an engineering dorm hall. At first, I was really bummed cause I thought everyone would be SUPER antisocial, which isn't completely false. But, I find it a secret blessing. I realized that since I'm in an engineering dorm hall, a lot of people don't party, but instead just like kick back and hang out. A lot of people don't drink nor do drugs. Even though there's only two halls/suites of girls, and 6 suites with guys, i may think that i prefer it. Girls are a bit dramatic. Also, I'm not sure, but I think I make friends more easily with guys. Or according to tanya: "you WOULD have more guy friends already". *shrug. also, since it's so quiet, it should be easier to study, for when I really need to crack down on homework.

God really does always provide.

One thing that's a downer is that I don't feel all that inspired here.

I've been feeling extremely shallow (not in the--only paying attention to looks-- type of way; but the -not really thinking thinking-type of way.) I havn't been doing in depth thinking, or I'm not sure what it is, but I feel slightly different. I'm not sure if i like it or not.

The other day though, I was walking back from class, and it started to rain, it was still hot out and everyone was covering their heads with binders/bags, etc. But I wanted to take my time from class, enjoy every aspect of the rain/feeling/environment. The funky smell, the tingle of the drops falling on your skin, the need to wipe it out your eyes every minute, the slippery feeling between my toes(wearing sandals), and everything else. It was one of the first times that I felt real.

...more about college/everything else later cause i'm getting lazy.

Adeiu,

Heather<3

(picture comment: I miss home's amazing scenery)

Reflection Series-Part 1

Indulgences: eating a lot, driving a million miles to hang out, being super lazy, thinking a lot/reflecting, thinking about old memories with friends, spending way too much money carelessly, creating a bucket list

Thinking about: patience, foundation/history, the "grey area"/being both, following simple rules. (mainly to remind myself to discuss these things later), faith,

Love: lookbook [i'm such an addict], going back to my feasting ways, catching up with friends, this wedding[it was on etsy. super cute and indie. watch the video!!]

Desire: I've already found the dress, this dress[a good second choice], cultivate my faith, sincerity, wisdom, bible knowledge, strength and will, start working on my goals

Okay. First of the things to reflect on:

Leaving and the end of High School.

the end of highschool was a complete blur. everything was so fast that I didn't feel a thing.

I was extremely surprised that no one cried at all, ever. but then again, I didn't either. The continuous rush of the next event(from graduation to grad night) and the delirious exhaustion from staying up all night, getting adrenaline highs from riding 1000 roller coasters in a row. There wasn't any time in between to pause. reflect. and realize: we're all leaving and this is the last time we'll all be together like this, as one big peninsula high school family.

Not going to lie though, there was one moment where I almost began to cry. Something about Kelcie's speech at graduation just made me emotional. I think it was mainly because if you knew kelcie, you know that she speaks from her heart. It just felt extremely personal and made me reminisce on our childhood.

I realized just lately how I'm going to miss highschool. I'm for sure going to miss that feel of when you have classes with people and you feel a connection of being a group in the class. (if that makes any sense at all.) I'm going to regret(and already do) not performing at a coffee house(I promised myself in freshman year that i'd perform in senior year, but didn't find the time to). Most of all, though, I'm going to miss choir.

I think that last year was my most enjoyable year in choir. I began to love and appreciate the art of really working on improving my vocal skills. I feel like unless I hire a vocal trainer, I'm never going to improve or work on my voice again. I enjoyed how Doctor challenged us without even noticing that it was difficult. He made learning fun and relaxing because of his quirky and adorable personality. I'm going to miss the choir family, that bond we formed from hanging in the back rooms, strolling in late, laughing at doctor's craziness, and just everything else. It truly was amazing and one of the highlights of my senior year.[[plus. i can't believe they're going to spain next year. lucky butts.]]

Leaving. to be quite frank, i don't even feel like i'm actually leaving. Especially if i have a car, I can pretty much come home whenever I want. So, I havn't really felt any effect yet. The only problem is that when I come back, almost everyone will be gone. I've felt conflicted about friends. Just lately, i've been missing some people LOTS. like, LOTS LOTS. memories bombard my mind. ferreals. A lot of the times though, i feel like if you forget a friend, there'll be someone out there who can replace him/her. ya know? but. i think i'm starting to change ish this perspective. Someone told me "a true friend is someone who, even after you lost touch for a long time, when you catch up, it feels as if you picked up from where you left off". And i've began to realize who I have this sort of connection with. It really is beautiful, how relationships form and develop and become everlasting, ey?

On another note: it's weird how people can just be out of your lives in a snap.

just like that. and they're gone.

i always hate when these sort of things happen. they leave me without closure. this wide gaping hole. It's like when you don't close the lid on something all the way. It's unsettling and awkward and all you want to do is have it completely shut, sealed, closed.

That's it for now. I'll probably have more ramblings about leaving (probably closer to when I actually AM leaving.)

More reflections to come(when I get over my laziness)

Ciao,

Heather

[[thought the name change was necessary. It better describes what the use of this blog is for. Oh how my memory is so terrible that i need to record EVERYTHING and anything or i'll instantly forget]]

[[I'll definitely miss being 10 minutes away from the beach,though]]

Neglected

Maybe i'll blog later.

things to reflect on

-leaving/end of highschool

-europe

-orientation

-church camp

-random thoughts

time. tbd. probably a (long) while from now.

this is a reminder to myself that i told my mind that i'm going to blog. sometime... or another...

we'll see.