Reflection Series-Part 2

Indulgences: Project runway, triangle trip, eclectic collection of music, saying goodbyes to friends, reminiscing on old memories, lots of in depth thinking, making a million and one lists, socializing instead of studying, putting myself out there, trail-blazing up a mountain to the C at night, not buying textbooks

Thinking about: advertisements, childhood, consumerism, raising children. (reminders to talk about in later posts), father's critiques,

Love: garancedore, sartorialist, fashion blogs, making lists, having my mind be expanded, friendly people, the delirious-tired stage, becoming super close with people within a span of a week, chivalry, good mannered/considerate people, LATE CLASSES

A bit about me: i love indie-esque things. also LOVE vintage things. in love with hipster, def wish i was a hipster., in love with the light rose and cream color scheme at the moment, i like romance-and not only in the mushy movie type of way, i'm a huge dreamer, i love trying new things(esp when it comes to food)

Europe:

Europe was amazing. I fell in love with the romance of its culture. I realized while in Europe, that i'm really interested in learning different cultures and customs. I'm fascinated at how different people function, what they believe to be comfortable and natural.

Europe was one of those trips of a lifetime. there isn't another time that i'll be able to get together with 40 or so people who most of which i've seen around for 4 years, but never got to know, go to europe for a month, and share an amazing adventure of novelty with, which instantly grows friendships. Even though it was crazy expensive, its a life memory, and worth it.

Orientation:

Skipping this.

Church camp: in a later post.

Foundation/History:

I've come to find how important it is to know your family history and how interesting it could be. One day while driving back to some place, I was asking my mom about our family. There was so much to take in and to digest. I think that family history is something that each child and their parent should talk about, it not only informs the child of their family, but creates a special bond/moment. History is our foundation/building blocks. Not knowing your own family history is basically to not know who you are, what your background is. I would be incredibly ashamed if my future children asked me about my family's history, and didn't have an answer for them.

I'm excited to learn more.(:

The "grey area"/being both:

I think i've talked about this before. About being part of the world, and trying to be a christian at the same time. It doesn't work out. I'm having a hard time letting this concept go of being favored in both aspects. One aspect that's really killing me: music. I know I shouldn't listen to ANY sort of secular music, even if it doesn't seem "bad" such as indie music, which i love. Incredibly difficult. I'm still confused as to the ratio of world:Godliness that a person can/should be.

Following simple rules:

So, I've been thinking... that I need to start following small rules. Such as driving rules.

Think about it, you know how in church, people don't want to do the small chores, such as cleaning the bathrooms (classic example), but are willing to do larger role things such as teaching, or whatever. But, we have to be able to do the small chores thoroughly and whole heartedly. If we are incapable of taking the small chores seriously, how can God trust us with larger chores/roles?

Similarly with the idea of rules. I don't follow traffic laws. I like to speed and get to places as fast as I can, switching lanes frequently, etc. I need to learn to leave early to ensure that I have enough time to get places on time(a definite problem), and to follow the traffic laws. Know what I was thinking? If I can't even follow silly small WORLDY laws, how will God ever trust me to abide by His laws?

So, I did all of my reflections super short/cliff note version. Or else this would take forever.

More reflections later about the ones briefly mentioned up top.

College:

So, I'm at college right now. I live in an engineering dorm hall. At first, I was really bummed cause I thought everyone would be SUPER antisocial, which isn't completely false. But, I find it a secret blessing. I realized that since I'm in an engineering dorm hall, a lot of people don't party, but instead just like kick back and hang out. A lot of people don't drink nor do drugs. Even though there's only two halls/suites of girls, and 6 suites with guys, i may think that i prefer it. Girls are a bit dramatic. Also, I'm not sure, but I think I make friends more easily with guys. Or according to tanya: "you WOULD have more guy friends already". *shrug. also, since it's so quiet, it should be easier to study, for when I really need to crack down on homework.

God really does always provide.

One thing that's a downer is that I don't feel all that inspired here.

I've been feeling extremely shallow (not in the--only paying attention to looks-- type of way; but the -not really thinking thinking-type of way.) I havn't been doing in depth thinking, or I'm not sure what it is, but I feel slightly different. I'm not sure if i like it or not.

The other day though, I was walking back from class, and it started to rain, it was still hot out and everyone was covering their heads with binders/bags, etc. But I wanted to take my time from class, enjoy every aspect of the rain/feeling/environment. The funky smell, the tingle of the drops falling on your skin, the need to wipe it out your eyes every minute, the slippery feeling between my toes(wearing sandals), and everything else. It was one of the first times that I felt real.

...more about college/everything else later cause i'm getting lazy.

Adeiu,

Heather<3

(picture comment: I miss home's amazing scenery)

Reflection Series-Part 1

Indulgences: eating a lot, driving a million miles to hang out, being super lazy, thinking a lot/reflecting, thinking about old memories with friends, spending way too much money carelessly, creating a bucket list

Thinking about: patience, foundation/history, the "grey area"/being both, following simple rules. (mainly to remind myself to discuss these things later), faith,

Love: lookbook [i'm such an addict], going back to my feasting ways, catching up with friends, this wedding[it was on etsy. super cute and indie. watch the video!!]

Desire: I've already found the dress, this dress[a good second choice], cultivate my faith, sincerity, wisdom, bible knowledge, strength and will, start working on my goals

Okay. First of the things to reflect on:

Leaving and the end of High School.

the end of highschool was a complete blur. everything was so fast that I didn't feel a thing.

I was extremely surprised that no one cried at all, ever. but then again, I didn't either. The continuous rush of the next event(from graduation to grad night) and the delirious exhaustion from staying up all night, getting adrenaline highs from riding 1000 roller coasters in a row. There wasn't any time in between to pause. reflect. and realize: we're all leaving and this is the last time we'll all be together like this, as one big peninsula high school family.

Not going to lie though, there was one moment where I almost began to cry. Something about Kelcie's speech at graduation just made me emotional. I think it was mainly because if you knew kelcie, you know that she speaks from her heart. It just felt extremely personal and made me reminisce on our childhood.

I realized just lately how I'm going to miss highschool. I'm for sure going to miss that feel of when you have classes with people and you feel a connection of being a group in the class. (if that makes any sense at all.) I'm going to regret(and already do) not performing at a coffee house(I promised myself in freshman year that i'd perform in senior year, but didn't find the time to). Most of all, though, I'm going to miss choir.

I think that last year was my most enjoyable year in choir. I began to love and appreciate the art of really working on improving my vocal skills. I feel like unless I hire a vocal trainer, I'm never going to improve or work on my voice again. I enjoyed how Doctor challenged us without even noticing that it was difficult. He made learning fun and relaxing because of his quirky and adorable personality. I'm going to miss the choir family, that bond we formed from hanging in the back rooms, strolling in late, laughing at doctor's craziness, and just everything else. It truly was amazing and one of the highlights of my senior year.[[plus. i can't believe they're going to spain next year. lucky butts.]]

Leaving. to be quite frank, i don't even feel like i'm actually leaving. Especially if i have a car, I can pretty much come home whenever I want. So, I havn't really felt any effect yet. The only problem is that when I come back, almost everyone will be gone. I've felt conflicted about friends. Just lately, i've been missing some people LOTS. like, LOTS LOTS. memories bombard my mind. ferreals. A lot of the times though, i feel like if you forget a friend, there'll be someone out there who can replace him/her. ya know? but. i think i'm starting to change ish this perspective. Someone told me "a true friend is someone who, even after you lost touch for a long time, when you catch up, it feels as if you picked up from where you left off". And i've began to realize who I have this sort of connection with. It really is beautiful, how relationships form and develop and become everlasting, ey?

On another note: it's weird how people can just be out of your lives in a snap.

just like that. and they're gone.

i always hate when these sort of things happen. they leave me without closure. this wide gaping hole. It's like when you don't close the lid on something all the way. It's unsettling and awkward and all you want to do is have it completely shut, sealed, closed.

That's it for now. I'll probably have more ramblings about leaving (probably closer to when I actually AM leaving.)

More reflections to come(when I get over my laziness)

Ciao,

Heather

[[thought the name change was necessary. It better describes what the use of this blog is for. Oh how my memory is so terrible that i need to record EVERYTHING and anything or i'll instantly forget]]

[[I'll definitely miss being 10 minutes away from the beach,though]]

Neglected

Maybe i'll blog later.

things to reflect on

-leaving/end of highschool

-europe

-orientation

-church camp

-random thoughts

time. tbd. probably a (long) while from now.

this is a reminder to myself that i told my mind that i'm going to blog. sometime... or another...

we'll see.

Nostalgia

Oh, how ironic that they played "Forever Young"

it brings my mind back to "wonderwall", "if you leave", "paint the silence".

...it gets me every time...ugh.

I Want You!

...I want you soo baddddddd

I want yyooooooooouuuu.

I want you soo baddd.

It's drivin' me MAD. it's drrivvinnng meee madd!

I want polaroid 600 film really badly. i hope that camera works. i want a polaroid wall.

Indulgences: GILMORE GIRLS, prom gossip (oh goodness...), eating the rest of that coffee haagendaz(basically 2/3 of the pint) YUM, adding a LOT of apps on my phone, daydreaming, not studying for aps, doing practically nothing in class, iced coffee

Love: hearing that people care, when people reflect your enthusiasm/initiate enthusiasm, the little things and the big things, talking about food, when people share things with you about their lives

Listening to: anna ternheim:my heart still beats for you [[lovelovelovelovelove.]]on repeat.

Desire: "this weird feeling to go away", depth, closure, coffee, polaroid film, "person"(greys reference), excitement/adventures, memories to be nostalgic about in the future, a different way of talking(a way that's more intelligent sounding/sophisticated), to fit into my assembly dress and be able to breathe in it.

"I'm having one of those moments right now...One of those moments that everything is so perfect and so wonderful that you almost feel sad because nothing can ever be this good again."

Rory and Dean sitting in the car looking at the stars.

Yep, i'm past the point of no return. hello addiction.

Long time since I wrote something here, huh?

College. it's going to be scary. I feel like I'm already incredibly behind. On housing, parking, random requirements, everything.

I want to explore, do things. isn't it a shame whenever you want to plan something out with people but the thing(s) just end up not happening? the worst.

Don't really have much to say/Can't think of anything at the time being.

So, that's it. bye!

pictures:

1.polaroid heart via flickr. i want to do either that or...

2.THAT. Yes, all of those are polaroids. amazing, no?

3. I'm going to make that molten lava cake. yesssiirrree!

That was short...

Indulgences: cooking a baked ziti, reading a cookbook, sleeping a LOT., not doing homework, shopping, blogs

Love: not talking about colleges, clothes...sigh., getting excited for other people's futures, denim, shoulder detail

Desire: this weird feeling to go away, to stop having to rush everywhere(i think the tension is making me die early), more bible knowledge, GET A JOB. DO IT NOW., less ignorance

title referring to both internet fast and this post.

the short internet fast went better than last year, to say the least.

i remember last year i said no aim or internet? and instead i just spent a magillion hours on my "email" talking to people through gchat.

this year, i actually didn't go on the internet. but.. iono the fast didn't really go as planned. I expected myself to dedicate a lot more time to God. But, i found myself sleeping a LOT. instead?

So, I guess i shall try again sometime soon.

the fast, was a tad cleansing. Just, not to expectations, ya know?

It's been about four and a half months. yes, i've been counting. I'm still waiting, and wondering how long it'll be until this ends.

i dropped about 140 dollar yesterday on clothes. i havn't been shopping in a while. i feel really extremely guilty. and to make it WORSE, my dad was talking about how we don't have enough money for me for college and we gotta take out loans.

...yay.

I need to get a job. I need to stop saying that i need to get a job, and actually start getting/filling out applications and submit them. let the job hunting commence!

that's all folks.

Heather

i wish i was european.

Fast Internet?

Nope. I am, however, going on an Internet fast.

11 days. No internet except for email, edline, college crap, weather.com, sometimes youtube ONLY if i'm learning guitar stuff on it, googlemaps, and if i plan on cooking/baking something: recipe searching but not for a long time 25 min max.

Sadly, this is going to be hard for me. But I have to do it.

Starting sundown tonight. ending: sundown on the 25th.

Feel free to call me up to hang out/talk.(: