Negative Nancy?

Indulgences: yogurtland trip, listening to people's stories, sleeping a lot, phone talks, overanalyzing stupid things :[, eating a buncha junkfood during 2nd,

Love: this., how choir kids come together at events like at the gala, things that give you flashbacks, when people tell you personal things unexpectedly,

Desire: deeper insight, dreams to come back, adventures, better gift-giving skills

Things I want to do in PV: go to a Concours d'Elegance, watch a horse show, go hiking on that trail that everyone knows about, go on the grunion run again, appreciate this place more

It is officially February. my goals: (this is more of a reminder to myself)

1. go to the gym at least once a week (oh dangit i havn't gone yet, i guess i'll be going tomorrow, ey?)

2. be less late to Hoeger's (not more than 5 minutes), only late once a week [failed. but, i wasn't late more than 5 minutes ... i think?]

3.stand up straighter/better posture in general while sitting/standing/anything.

So, you know how sometimes when you're someplace and see people you know. and you say "Hey ___!" and they look immediately at you and go "hey". and you KNOW that they knew you were there, but they were trying to pass it off as if they didn't see you and try to continue on their path? Well, I usually do that,...(the ignoring and just going on in my path. esp if i'm alone/with family) i'm not sure why i do this. It's sort of just out of habit. Maybe it's that I try to avoid an awkward situation? Especially if the people you see, are people you don't know extremely well, it can be VERY, overly awk. But, i think i do it mostly out of habit. but anyway, today i was on the other side of the viewing glass. I was the person saying "hey ___!". and usually, i don't think i'd mind much of the fake surprise hey. cause, ya know... i do it too. but, under my current circumstances, and etc, this encounter was a bit of a slap in my face. i think what bugs me is that it was two people together, ignoring me...as if it was already planned out to not look in my direction. But, then again, who knows.. maybe they really DIDN'T notice me. and at least after i said hey, they responded back and didn't continue to ignore me, yeah? that's a bit of hope.

So, I have this problem with not speaking up when i want to. You know when you're surrounded by people who are talking about something that is opinion related,... and EVERYONE has the same opinion and are ranting on about it? there's quite a number of times where in my mind, i'll have an opposing opinion. and i'll literally be thinking "should i speak up? cmon heather, just do it." and yet, i almost NEVER will. I'm not sure if it's because i don't want to start up conflict, or i'm afraid, or i don't know WHAT it is... but i never tend to voice my opinion much. I always wonder, during this sort of conversation when everyone's contributing to the same idea, except one person is silent... Do the remainder of the conversating participators think that the silent person just agrees with their position? Or do they think that the person is neutral in the position? I surely hope it's the latter, because I wouldn't want people thinking that i have some sort of standpoint, when i don't.

I think it's pretty funny when people say things they really do mean, but try to cover it up by saying "just kidding!" and you KNOW they really arn't. For example: if friend A is eating a LOTTT , and friend B notices this massive consumption. Friend B goes "LOL. dude why are you being such a pig" Friend A has a confused/slightly offended look. Friend B: "hhahaha just kiddingg mann".

(wow that was a really terrible example, but, do you catch my drift?)nd cmon, admit it, you've done it before, everyone has.

But, lately, i've had this habit of calling people out on it and saying "haha! no you're not [joking]". i'm starting to wonder if this action is incredibly irritating or not. hmm. prolly is? but iono, i'm just being truthful. *shrug?

So, today we had the drug/alcohol assembly video/presentation thing. and to be honest, i found it to be ineffective. I felt like the video was repetitive, not only within itself, but also through the past years of the constant "don't do drugs" sort of deal. especially the intro, "i didn't know this was gna happen...i just tried to fit in.." then they talk about their lives destroyed. don't get me wrong, i feel for these people, and am relieved that they have identified their problem and tackled it. but, it's just too typical. Also, i enjoyed how the speaker tried to create an analogy with the balloon. but i mean once he said "inside the balloon are my dreams" i immed

iately thought, "he's gna pop it cause of drugs" and he did, what a cliche. but, iono, then ag ain, repetition can be helpful too i suppose. but I felt like this presentation was directed to the wrong audience. I think the presentation is more of a prevention approach, when, we all know that a lot/large majority of highschoolers are already drinking and doing drugs. I feel like they need a new fresh perspective to address the problem. Person ally, whenever i hear anyone talk about drinking/raves/drugs/etc, i feel slightly awkward/irritated/i don't know. especially for those people who talk about those things CONSTANTLY: i'm not really interested in those kinds of things, i don't really see the point of talking about it. i find it stupid and insignificant. period. And, actually, to be QUITE BLUNT... i find the teenagers who party and talk about it constantly to be very pathetic. i mean, if you need drugs/alcohol/partying to connect with people, and if these are the core of your interests, that's just incredibly sad. i feel like people who do those kinds of things have nothing else to do with their lives and just settle with drugs/alcohol. i feel that teens are becoming increasingly more and more bored wi th their lives, and are trying to find any sort of stimuli to enhance their lives, so they resolve it by settling with drugs/alcohol. Quite a disappointment, in my opinion .

but, that's just what i think..

Wow, watched project runway today.

and i must say, i was extremely disappointed with all of the designs. I thought most of them were just plain BAD. this episode's dresses were filled with overly costume-y ideas, hideous hemlines, just horrendous taste in general. However, one grecian dress was mediocre; it was nice, but just another typical grecian dress. One dress, with the "heart" design had a good DESIGN, but i thought that the execution didn't live up to its potential at all.

I am GOING to cook one of the days next week for my family. recipe, grocery shopping, the whole shabang. i'm determined. i'll write about how it turns out(:

This week, there were Pen cafe auditions. (pen cafe is feb 18th (: )

and... i tried out with lynn and emmelyn, we sang norah jones' "don't know why". while practicing, we recorded ourselves. and i realized, while watching the recording, that i am a HORRIBLE singer. well, not overly horrible... But, not going to lie, i used to think that my singing was pretty good. not the best, but above average, ya know? However, i now officially think that i am less than mediocre when it comes to singing. I sing flat, quite often. and it's just bone shattering(i don't even think that's a phrase). i literally CRINGED while listening. it was awfully embarassing.

So now i'm dreading the actual performance. especially because i have the melody. and melody's supposed to be the loudest of course. boo. and i really don't want my voice to screw up the song and etc.

just thinking about performing is making me nauseous.(yes, i'm being melodramatic). but honestly. it's a recipe for disaster.

1.not being confident of my singing, while having to sing the loudest

2.not being able to sing very loud

3.me being flat

4.awkward kareoke soundtrack of norah jones instead of someone playing it for us

5. long instrumental interlude

6. just plain AWKWARD.

no bueno. not extremely excited. but i mean, i guess as a performer, i gotta suck it up and make it work, yeah? (tim gunn reference). hopefully things will all turn out well.

I just realized, this is a pretty long "downer-esque" blog post. boo.

not diggin' it.

Sorry folks. hopefully a more interesting post sometime soon.

Love,

Heather

Photocredit:
1.pvconcours.com, is this car INSANE or what?
2.prettyfoods they say that the way to a person's heart is through his/her stomach. i concur(:
3.prettyfoods. I found this incredible. how did they make it in that shape?? molds..?