Lost and...

Indulgences: Buzzfeed, silly detective iphone games, washi tape/daiso purchases, 
Desire: To feel at peace with where I'm at in life, be more courageous, warm fuzzy feelings, 
Listening to: Verite, Best day of my life cover, 
Love: These posts I found a year ago: Essence, Company, Happiness,  the feeling of stretching and getting comfortable in bed, 

Still truckin' on the discovery of myself...
I'm starting to believe that I've confined myself in a box of "I know who I am, THIS is who I am." 
I look back on posts from 4-5 years ago and I still don't feel MUCH different or seem any different.
A couple weeks ago, I would have applauded myself for realizing this.  Believing that I kept true to who I was and would have been proud of the fact that I have barely changed.  But in fact, isn't it kind of sad?  If I havn't changed much, doesn't that also mean that I probably havn't grown much either?  The realization of this is really confusing.  Do I continue to "stay true to myself" and yet confine myself to imaginary boundaries?  Or do I venture and explore in hopes of growth but also risking loss in my identity?  Where is the comfortable medium?

Which brings me to another question:
How do I find balance in things?
How do I find balance between work vs play?
How do I find balance between physically capturing the moment vs living in the moment?
How do I find balance between being thoughtful vs thinking TOO much?
Which of course, is such an ironic question because my year's goal was to "live a balanced life"...

But back to discovery of self.

One thing in the past week or two that I've noticed is a reform in my mind when it comes to my opinion.  Or maybe just that I'm actively practicing it more again.  I think that before, when it came to opinions of living life, how a person behaves, etc; I was aware that of course there are many variations for people, but to me I thought that there was a certain opinion that was... maybe more correct/beneficial/rational.
It was very much a... "well I think you should do this because of this, this and this reason."
Where as now my mind naturally goes more towards a "you do you" kind of option.
I mean, if good friends ask for my opinion, I of course offer my most honest opinion for such and such reason because I care and would want to only be honest and helpful to the friend.
But overall, I feel that although I am quite a conservative person, I think that my mind is starting to become more liberal? 

I think that we as a society need to work harder in many aspects, and yet we also need to celebrate ourselves more too.  Because life is genuinely really hard for each individual person, what ever his/her trials and tribulations are.  And getting through a year, month or even a day of life is quite a triumph!
So be nice to yourself, because what ever stage of life you're in, it's difficult and you'll find your way. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

(or I sure hope so...)
It'll all be okay eventually,
Heather

ps: "Do the math: How much of your time is spent consuming things other people made (TV, music, video games, websites) versus making your own? Only one of those adds to your value as a human being" -David Wong