Baby It's Cold Outside

Indulgences: all you can eat korean bbq, getting out of the house&going to coffee cartel, looking at these/becoming amazed at young talent, not going to the hospital for the third week in a row, calling my laziness "senioritis", watching sweet november(: , opening up to another friend, rereading old posts, looking at this(WHILE i'm hungry as well)
Love: dorothy directing us during choir, reminiscing, support, meteor showers, people giving you just a bit of something good on a terrible weekend, the smell of my perfume tehe, thinking about simply planning for europe, using just the foot heater in the car
Fails: cancelled celebration dinner, NOT GOING TO ROSEBOWL FLEA MARKET AGAINN, not making a christmas list, not doing any christmas shopping, forgetting to include stuff on apps and just remembering them just a couple of days-weeks ago, getting sick RIGHT before choir concert, bad weekend, not watching the meteor shower, barely fitting into my dress
Desire: these boots, this dress, maybe this dress, maybe this dress, a really cute umbrella, a cool vintagey-esque/pretty jewelry box, a lomography camera from urban, really pretty bedsheets!, polariod film, magazine subscriptions, cooking lessons, sewing/fashion design lessons, black ankle boots, flats, new grey vans, hotchoc spoons(these)
Desired to dos for winter break: cooking lessons, trip to disneyland, boiling crab with the choir girls+tanya, chinese theater, shopping trips, watch sherlock holmes, DISNEYLAND. DISNEYLAND. DISNEYLAND. GOING TO SEE HOLIDAY LIGHTS!!!

"if you don't appreciate this family, you can move out" "this(you) is my greatest failure" thanks dad....thanks. my dad thinks i'm going to be working at mcdonalds in the future. and that all my friends will abandon me because there's no more intellectual connection. and asked ME what was one thing i'm interested and good at. which means he can't think of ANYTHING i'm good at... frustrated. bad weekend. part of me feels like i can't wait to go to college and get out of here. but another part is just... i don't know.

on another note: winter break is comming up! i can't believe it! i feel like everything is happening and it just doesn't hit me. like halloween came too fast, so did thanksgiving break, and just EVERYTHING. This week is gna be BUSY. choir concerts, tests, econ project, party, christmas shopping(probably not gna do that till break, sorry kids.), and GAH. then winter break, i honestly just wanna like chill and stuff and not go to church camp.. but i probably REALLY need to go for my spiritual life. but i don't want to.. cause it's liek RIGHT when we get out of school for a full week. which means i'd be missing out on celebratory dinner, DCM, my sister comming back from HongKong, my dentist appointment, a fourth consecutive week of hospital, christmas shopping that needs to get done, family christmas celebration, christmas lights, time to hang out before getting my wisdom teeth out, etc. winter break ALSO means that finals are comming up soon soon soon AND that means that first semester is almost done which is good cause.. ya know SECOND SEMESTER. but NOT good cause raising of grades is going to be a MAJOR problem. i'm afraid i'm not going to graduate...

picked up my assembly dress today.. and the freaking lady ordered me a zero. WHY!? I DON'T KNOW. but it was SOO EFFIN TIGHT. i can barely breathe. BARELY. time to lose some of that stomach heather. *rolls eyes. what girls do for freaking clothing, sheesh. especially long white lace up gowns. *shakes head. (i have a funny feeling my exercise(non excercise) habit will remain constant.. and i'll just end up not breathing on the day of the ball thing)

will someone PLEASE go with me to disneyland and to go see christmas lights at that one street? PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE. they both are two of my FAVORITES during this time of year.

I realized that taking my own advice is way harder than imagined. I am an incredible hypocrite. Just the other day at helpline i was talking to this girl on the phone and she was saying how she's just completely lost in life. she's really promiscuous during the weekends and stuff, and wants a real relationship.. and blah blah and doesn't take interest in people and such. and i kept telling her things like oh well try different hobbies to get away from the partying scene. but she said excuses and stuff. but after we FINALLy hung up. i told the person who i was working with "oh my goodness the call i jsut got.. i just wanted to say 'just do it, like if you REALLY have the determination to do it, you just gotta get over yourself and do it. it's gna be tough, but suck it up' " and I realized, that in my own life, i don't follow this piece of advice AT. ALL.
and to someone else i was saying how like he/she had to just CHOOSE what they wanted, stick with it and play it out. don't look back on his/her choice, don't over think it. just DO IT.
and i don't do this AT ALL either.
and lately i've been giving the advice of "what ever makes you happy, do it" sort.. but like. I don't know.. when I went to church, part of the sermon was talking about how we should love others with God's love, and that means self sacrificing love. And I feel like what i've been saying to other people is so selfish. I don't know. the concepts of this world/american values/asian values/christian values are getting my mind all boggled. For one example: americans want you to be extremely outgoing and confident, asians are more meek, respectful and modest, christians should be righteous and humble. And I, as an asian american can not possibly see all of these traits in one person. so where do i stand in this mess?

I feel like I have to be like that addicted smoker in the "help me i can't help myself" video. one day she decided, REALLY decided to quit smoking. so she did. I need to REALLY decide to try harder and get myself together, and work on what i need to, and finish my goals. and just DO IT. but,.. will i? only time will tell.

At church, there was a sermon pertaining to love. "In the bible it says that 'Love is patient, love is kind, love is...etc' no where in the bible does it say that love is the emotions that you get" I thought that this was very realistic. Love isn't supposed to be those little butterflies in your stomach, that's called infatuation. "love is being able to show a person love, even when you've run out of love for them, even when they don't deserve it"
I've come to realize that God is much more important than I know. I feel like, the only thing that keeps someone together, is God. I feel like... God gives people the hope that they need, when they can't find it anywhere else. With God, anything is possible. And it's just so difficult for me to fathom this fantastic reason of why people turn to Him. And yet, even though I KNOW that it's my time to lay down everything for Him, I can't seem to. I feel like people who believe in God are so admirable. I mean it REALLY takes something to put full faith and trust into God, ya know? It's something that the average person can't understand, relying absolutely everything on a higher being. it's just.. beautiful, yeah?

at church, it was brought up before a praying session that we should think of three things that we're thankful for each day. (i'm mainly writing this here to remind myself.)
today I am thankful for witnessing that my father truly loves me(even though i'm unsure if i can handle this), making it home safe last night(freeway+super dark+raining+foggy in pv+no lights in pv=pretty hard drive), having a car to drive around in.

I should really get to my hw. au revoir loves.
Heather Huang
ps. While searching up "hope" in image search, the most prevalent image were rays from above/the sky. interesting, no? (and yet i really liked this sprouting plant from gravel one a bunch)
pps.I really want to learn to do those cool things with milk in the mugs
ppps. there will probably be posts with lots more food pictures, since i am officially in love with the pretty foods blog.
pppps. face life? unsure if i'm liking the changes, the fonts/font sizes have been going awol, however. so that must be fixed.